On a clear day in late Octebuary, one of the greatest Boast Battles ever held took place. Braggart Smush (with Coach Mogey by his side) took on Big Teddy Barfenbleu, the Grand Boaster of Blawburgh at the time.
"At the age of ten I consumed an entire bear and washed it down with a cask of whiskey!" Big Teddy Barfenbleu proclaimed as the combatants squared off.
"Well I once ate three and a half slices of bacon pizza, crust and all!" Braggart Smush rebutted. "Except for that half slice! I only ate the bottom half of that one!"
"Oooh!" exclaimed the assembled crowd of two hardcore Boast Battle fans, a family of corncobs, and the four gentlemen who'd set up the stage.
"I once sprinted from the bottom of the lowest valley in the land to the top of the tallest mountain in an hour and fifteen minutes!" said Big Teddy Barfenbleu.
"Well I've ridden a sheep for almost twenty seconds!" cried Braggart Smush.
"Atta boy, Smush," Coach Mogey whispered in his ear. "Keep him back-peddling."
"I was born inside a volcano as it was being struck by lightning!" Big Teddy Barfenbleu answered back.
"When I was a baby my mama said I was...." Here Smush paused, glancing at Mogey for approval to use his most unstoppable boast. Mogey nodded icily. "My mama said I was..." Smush repeated, "quite...a...handful."
The crowd erupted with cries of shock and delight, and from that day forth Braggart Smush was crowned the new Grand Boaster of Blawburgh.
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