The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 24

 "My stars," Mogey exclaimed. "Did you see that, Smush? He just ran three hoops on the same shot!"

"Oh?" asked Smush unenthusiastically, though he did prop an elbow onto the grass to take a closer look. "And how's the gentleman from the Northern Wilds doing?" 

Smush was referring to Kyle "Pelt" van Pelt, a fur trapper who only came into the village once a year for this very croquet tournament: Le Grand Régional.

"Dominating, of course," Mogey responded. "Though this year there's a young upstart who may give him a run for his money: Chet Wardrobe."

"Is he the anthropomorphic beaver who keeps giving Pelt the evil eye?"

"That's Chet," Mogey confirmed. "They say he hewed his mallet with his own teeth from a tree once used as a gallows in witchcraft trials. And this match is especially personal for him - do you know Pelt's favorite animal to trap?"

"Beaver?" Smush suggested.

"Skunk. And Chet Wardrobe is a massive advocate for the 'scent-compromised' community.  Le Grand Régional - you've got to love it!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 23

Mogey and Smush were connoisseurs of many things: cat-themed jigsaw puzzles, cat-themed jigsaw puzzle accessories, and the artworks of Felix Bunch, kinetic sculptor. But most of all, they were connoisseurs of meat. 

Like all good connoisseurs, they prized the opinions of true craftsmen, and in the field of meat, the finest craftsmen could be found at Bill Bo's Butchershop. Many a day Mogey and Smush would browse the Staff Picks at Triple B until they found something fresh and innovative.

"Look at this one!" Smush claimed."Veronica describes this porterhouse as 'sturdy and nostalgic; the kind of steak you want to curl up with on a cold winter's night.'"

"Mmm," Mogey replied. "How about this polish sausage? Felipe says it's 'smart, sassy, and provocative.'"

"Big Denny's got some thoughts on the new brisket: 'If you liked MacHull Farms' last brisket, you'll LOVE--'" 

"Herman's got a new pick!" Mogey interrupted. Smush immediately dropped the brisket and rushed to his pal's side. "'A ground chuck redolent of love and loss,'" Mogey intoned. "'The sort of meat that comes along once in a lifetime - if you're lucky. Once you've molded it, seasoned it, and cooked it into a double cheeseburger, your life will forever be changed.'"

"Herman," Mogey and Smush sighed dreamily as they brushed tears from their eyes and loaded up their shopping cart with meat.

 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 22

 Parking was always at a premium in the village of Salmon-on-Croute, so when Mogey and Smush drove their donkey cart into town one famishing Sunday morning, they knew their steed Matildonk would have to take what she could get. 

"What about this one?" Smush asked. "Think we can squeeze in?" 

"It'll be tight," said Mogey. "What do you say, Matildonk?"

Matildonk, who was quite eloquent when she wanted to be, but who rarely wanted to be, stared back at Mogey like he'd asked her whether or not she dyed her mane. 

Smush urged her forward, pulling the cart in between a penny-farthing bicycle and some sort of taco truck. 

"That's far enough!" announced a voice so high it sounded as though it had come through a kazoo. Sitting atop the bicycle seat was a tiny monkey wearing a Burger King crown and holding a butterfly knife in each hand.

"Surely we can reach some arrangement?" Smush suggested warily.

"Unless that arrangement involves your donkey and a bottle of extra zesty barbeque sauce," the monkey replied, brandishing his bedazzled teeth, "I suggest you move along."

"Easy, girl," Mogey said, petting Matildonk's neck, for he could feel the rage of one thousand overworked baristas trembling beneath.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 21

 "Will you cut out that infernal filing noise!" shouted Prisoner 9346 a.k.a. The Bacon Bandit a.k.a. Mogey. 

"Shh!" said a voice from the window. "I'm trying to bust you outta here!"

"Smush! Can it really be you?" 

Sure enough, Smush's jowly face materialized out of the dark, and with one last rasp of his file, the iron bars broke clean through. Like five plump wursts protruding from an arepa con queso, his hand lowered toward his pal, who seized it gratefully, doing his best to ignore the funny pang of hunger he always seemed to feel when he grasped Smush's paw.

With much heaving and gasping (and a short break for jerky and limeade) the pals tumbled out of the prison cell, and into Smush's waiting wagon.

"Quick, get under this canvas," Smush urged, "and I'll drive us home." 

He was just about to put their donkey, Edouard McCluckins, in motion, when up strolled Warden Blubb Hayfever, an ill-tempered walrus who had clearly been at Prisoner 101001's prunejack. 

"Whatcha haulin?" Hayfever inquired, giving the wagon a hearty smack of his flipper. 

"My goat," Smush replied. "Right, goat?"

Mogey knew this was his queue, but he was so nervous that he completely forgot how to do his award-winning goat impression.

"HEWWWWWW!" he cried instead.

"He's an Australian goat," Smush confided. "That's the noise they make. They're all very nervous about falling off, you see." 

"Of what?" asked Warden Hayfever. 

"The Earth. You see, my dear warden, goats are too skeptical to buy into even the simplest scientific concepts. It's the same reason you never see a goat astronomer. That and you don't want wattle wool getting into your telescope." 

"You know, Squash," the warden said, wrapping a flipper around Smush's back and leaning in close enough for the pals to smell the potent mixture of sardines and prunejack on his breath, "that's what I like about you. Every time we talk, I learn something new." 

"HEWWWWWW!" called Mogey once more from beneath the canvas.