Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 586

"Smush, I have a question," Mogey said as the two pals brought the eleventh - and final - slop bucket of the day out to their famously obese hogs.

"Oh Nelly," Smush replied with a sigh.

"I've always wondered: Why do we have that windmill on top of the barn? It looks nice and all, but does it serve any real purpose?"

"Silly Mogey," Smush said, "where do you think all our flour comes from?"

"I always thought it came from wheat," Mogey answered.

"It's made from wheat, but the windmill grinds the wheat up into flour with those two enormous stoney looking things in the barn."

"Well, that answers my next question as well."

"You were going to ask what the stones were for?" Smush queried.

"No, I was going to ask whether you always had to sound like a know-it-all, or just some of the time."

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 585

"Why is it," Mogey asked on a crisp fall day when he and Smush were picking nectarines, "that librarians always seem to wear glasses?"

"Haven't you seen how tiny the print is in those books they read?" Smush replied. Mogey thought about this carefully.

"Nope," he said finally.

"Good point," Smush rejoined. "Neither have I."

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 584

Mogey and Smush huddled together inside their reinforced oaken barrel as it floated inexorably toward Hugeness Falls. No one had ever successfully made it over Hugeness Falls in a barrel, but then, no one had ever attempted to go over Hugeness Falls in a barrel.

"Say Mogey," Smush said. "Quick question: Why are we doing this?"

"You mean why are we about to go over an impossibly high waterfall in a barrel?" Mogey asked.


"Isn't it obvious?" Mogey said. "There's a cafe at the bottom of Hugeness Falls that makes the best root beer floats. I figured this would be the quickest way down there."

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 583

"When's the last time you scraped the frost off the chicken coop?" Smush asked Mogey one cold morning.

"Can't say I've done that since Thursday last," Mogey replied absentmindedly.

"What?" Smush exclaimed. "But you know full well that if the frost gets too thick, that chicken coop turns into a mighty frost monster with chickens for a heart and chickens for a liver."

"Darn it!" Mogey said. "I knew I'd been forgetting something."

The two pals threw on their overcoats and rushed out to the chicken coop, where they breathed a momentary sigh of relief. There was a hefty layer of frost on the windward side, but it didn't appear that a frost monster had formed yet. At that moment however, an enormous snowy head with a bulbous nose and gloomy eyes rose from the coop.

"Hullo," the frost monster said slowly, "I wuz just wundering if yew might gave me a sput of chiken feed?"

"AGGGHHHH! Frost monster!" Mogey shouted as the two pals turned tail and ran for the hills.

"Oh," the frost monster rejoined sadly, "I guess naught."

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 582

A wily old fox named Frankie O'Xylophone broke into Mogey and Smush's hen house more than a dozen times before they finally caught him. Mogey and Smush knew they would have to use any means necessary to find out how Frankie had been sneaking in if they were to keep their eggs safe in the future.

"Alright, O'Xylophone," Smush said. "Spill the beans. How do you do it? A loose floorboard?"

"No," Frankie replied. He was manacled to a spinny chair beneath a hot white light. "I usually just walk in through the front door."

"Nonsense!" Smush cried. "Only an imbecile would believe such a story. Is it the roof you come through?"

"Seriously, I just waltz right in through the front door," Frankie repeated, swishing his bright red tail. "It's not like you have it guarded or anything."

"I can see we'll need to resort to more desperate measures. Mogey, fetch my whips!"

"Yes, sir," Mogey responded. He began to scurry away but then abruptly changed directions and scurried back. "Just to be clear, you want your licorice whips, correct?"

"Of course," Smush said. "And be sure to bring the black ones. We're going for the kind of heavy-duty torture red licorice just can't provide."