The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 7

"Ahoy, Boatswain Mogey!" Smush ahoyed, swinging the tiller slightly to starboard.

"Ahoy yourself, Third Mate Smush," Mogey said. "What news?"

"Scuttlebutt's been quiet," Smush replied.

"Do you mean scuttlebutt as in 'gossip,' or Scuttlebutte, the deckhand who is half crab-half aristocrat?"

"Actually I was referring to you, Boatswain. A few of the sailors have noticed that your rear end has gotten so large lately that you enter the galley sideways."

"Excuse m--" Mogey began, but Smush interrupted him by tacking the Lady McRib violently to port.

"Avast!" Third Mate Smush exclaimed, "there be the waterspout we've been looking for! It carries the distinct fragrance of purple gatorade, which can mean only one thing: It be Dale Lasertag, the extreme athlete humpback! He won't escape me this time, skateboard or no skateboard."

 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 6

"If you could climb like any creature," said Smush as he reached for the next branch, "what would it be?" 

Mogey tapped his chin thoughtfully, leaving behind an impressive lump of pine sap. It was unusual, these days, for the pals to be climbing The Needly Sheriff, the oldest spruce on the eastern seaboard. But in the month of May, spruce nuggets were in bloom. 

"I believe that's a trick question," Mogey replied.

"How could that be a trick question?" 

"Look at it this way: If I say 'a monkey,' I'm a banana-gobbling buffoon; if I say 'a goat,' I'm a baaing hoof tapper; and if I say what is clearly the correct answer, I'll be accused of overthinking it." 

"Notwithstanding the fact that all three of those things are already true, what is so clearly the correct answer?" Smush inquired.

Mogey heaved a massive, sprucy breath and was about to reply, when the long-suffering limb upon which he stood gave way. Mogey plummeted to the ground, hitting zero branches on the way down. He'd only been climbing for an hour, after all, and thus hadn't made it past the first limb. He landed flat on his back, which was good: Mogey's back was in a five-way tie for his fleshiest body part. 

"If you could climb like any creature," the mostly-inert Mogey called without opening his eyes, "you should climb like a sloth: Brandishing a big set of claws and stopping often for naps. I know it, you know it, and the sloths know it too."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 5

"Smush...?" said Mogey, disconcertedly, "what is the spatula doing in the flyswatter drawer?"

"I've been looking for that everywhere!" Smush exclaimed while he stylishly flipped a nanner'n'nutter butter flapjack. "But I found a solution."

"What is that in your hand?" Mogey asked.

"I'll tell you what it's not," Smush replied, brandishing a batter-flecked flyswatter, "it's not a device as limited as that old spatula. With this, I can flip and swat at the same time, almost like I'm some sort of..."

"I swear," said Mogey, "if you say 'elite multitasker' in that evil robot voice I'm going to switch your body butter and your regular butter again."

"ELITE MULTITASKER!" Smush interrupted as he flipped another flapjack and then swatted Horatio MacPamplemousse, Mosquito Burglar, in one fluid motion. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 4

"I've got some bad news," Mogey said sorrowfully as returned from his biannual visit to Doc Bulbous, Hobbit Physician. 

"Crouton stuck in a major artery?" Smush guessed.

"Not this time. It turns out I'm legally blind when my eyes are closed." 

"Oh Mogey, I'm so sorry," Smush consoled. "I wonder... does this mean you're eligible for a service animal?"

"You mean like a seeing eye dog?"

"Sort of. I've heard it doesn't have to be a dog though. It could be all manner of creatures. A pig, for instance."

"Why in the world would I want a pig when I could get a--hnnnghhh!" Mogey gasped, clapping a hand to his mouth in horror. "You mean to eat my seeing eye pig, don't you?" 

"Don't be absurd," said Smush, but his words were belied by the drool in the corner of his mouth and the bib around his neck that read You Are What You Eat, and I Eat Ham Hocks.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 3

The fragrance of raspberry turnovers with just a hint of danger wafted through the air one cloudy afternoon when Mogey and Smush decided it was time, at long last, to select their DJ names.

"I've got my name narrowed down to two finalists," Smush said. "I'm between MC Toblerone and Doctor Dentist. How about you?"

"DJ Dragonfly," Mogey replied.

"Of course! Because dragonflies are the apex predators of the insect world and your favorite music genres are spleenpunch and murderbeats?"

"Close," said Mogey, "but it's actually because my legs are very short relative to the rest of my body and I have way more teeth than most people think."