The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 31

 "Which do you prefer," Mogey inquired, "gloves or mittens?"

"That all depends," said Smush. "Are we talking about warmin', magickin', or challengin'?"

"Care to elaborate?"

"Well," Smush elaborated, "if I'm just trying to warm my hands up during a cold day of perusing the new all-seasons at Town Fair Tire, it's mittens every time."

"That goes without saying," Mogey acknowledged. "You need to make sure you don't get chilly while examining all the name brands at discount prices."

"On the other hand, if I'm impressing a young governess with some sleight of hand card tricks down at the skating rink, only gloves will do." 

"You've got to have your fingers wiggleable at 1600 Skatesylvania Avenue," Mogey agreed.

"And if I must challenge some haughty noble to a duel with a slap across the face," Smush concluded, "it's a toss-up. A mitten or a glove could be equally devastating in the hands of a duelist such as myself." 

"All quite reasonable, but I think you've misunderstood my question a bit," said Mogey. "I was asking who you're rooting for in this evening's boxing match: Darthula 'Gloves' Glover or Gobstable P. Mittens?"

"Ah, that's easy," Smush replied. "Gloves all the way. I think he knocks Mittens out in the fourth round."

"How dare you?" shouted Gobstable P. Mittens, who happened to be sitting in the same nail salon, just two pedicure chairs away. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 30

 Though neither Mogey nor Smush had caught a wink of sleep for the last two nights, their excitement was still palpable as they strode through the front gardens of Burpee House. They'd lucked into highly-coveted invitations to Lord Deleck Table's annual harvest feast, and today was sure to be the highlight of their entire year. 

As they neared the manor, tendrils of fragrance drifted toward the pals, quickening their step into the front hall where smells even more delightful engulfed their nostrils. Servants bustled past, carrying loaded trays, bulging baskets, and overflowing platters.  

"Where do you suppose that Table is?" Mogey asked, daintily wiping drool from the corner of his mouth.

"The Lord himself or his actual table?" Smush responded.

"Either way." 

"Well," began Smush, massaging a neck sore from looking back and forth so frequently, "I believe his Lordship--"

"I changed my mind," said Mogey. "The actual table."

"Dunno."

"Did you see those gargoyles when we came in?" Mogey went on after a long silence. "I might need to get some of those."

"For your RV?" Smush demanded.

"Don't be silly," Mogey chided him. "I'd put them on my storage unit." 

"I don't believe this..."

"Alright, alright, no gargoyles. Sheesh."

"How many times must I tell you that it's pronounced 'Smush?'" Smush said with a sigh. "And it's not that. With all this blither blather, I find it hard to believe that today, of all days, you don't have a single thing to say to me about the actual food!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 29

 One sunny Tuesday, Mogey and Smush found themselves stuck at the top of a tree. It is best not to describe in full how they wound up there, but suffice it to say that the journey involved a peanut butter sandwich and a bold raccoon with an affection for pranks (and peanut butter sandwiches). 

"Alright, Mogey," said Smush after a long silence, "out with it."

"Out with what?"

"You've been glowering at both the sky and the ground for the last 45 minutes, which I know means you've got theories on the best way to get down. Let's hear 'em."

Mogey took a final glower at the earth, the sky, and his own dangly arm fat before finally responding.

"I've got four--no, five ideas so far," said the Mogster. "But before I lay them out for you, let me see you give those arms a shake."

Smush did as instructed, and Mogey closely observed his pal's borderline marsupial under-arm pouches, going so far as to snatch one on the backswing and give it a closer inspection.

"Yes, yes, yes," he muttered. "This will do nicely. Ok, the first idea I call 'the flying squirrel.' You see, we'll roll up our sleeves, spread our arms wide, and--"

"I get the picture," Smush responded. "Let's hear some of the other ideas, shall we?"

"Erm," Mogey hesitated, "was there something in particular that you don't like about the first idea?"

"It's best we don't dwell on it," said Smush.

"Alright then. My second idea I call 'the sugar glider...'"

As Smush mentally prepared himself for a long night in the treetop, the forest was still but for the lip-smacking of a prankster raccoon who was now wishing for a glass of milk. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 28

 As students/inmates at St. Autocrat's School for Pernicious Boys, Mogey and Smush were considered troublemakers. Rabblerousers. Yes, even agents provocateur. 

While the pals' hijinks had the teachers, guards, and even the schoolmaster - Mr. Leadguts - at their wit's end, there was one member of the faculty who continually proved Mogey and Smush's equal. The lunch lady, a vast woman named Lisa Croogle, always seemed to be one step ahead of them.

One evening, the pals snuck into the kitchens for a classic snack-and-prank 2-for-1. With them they carried four meticulously-trained mice with bad attitudes, a life-size wax model of Mr. Leadguts, and a pair of forks. Using extreme caution, Mogey and Smush padded their way into the deepest part of the kitchens, their eyes constantly sweeping the area for any sign of their nemesis. 

As Mogey grabbed hold of the icebox door, Smush raised a hand to request a pause. For a moment, as the pals listened to the quiet kitchens, all was still but for the grumpy squeaking of their trained mice.

"Who's there?" Smush called out. When there was no reply, he nodded to Mogey to proceed.

Directly behind the icebox door stood Lisa Croogle, hefting a sledgehammer and grinning maniacally. 

"Who do you bloody well think it is?" stated Croogle.

Without so much as pausing to shriek, Mogey and Smush dashed for the dormitories faster than a pair of movie dogs returning to their tousle-haired owner after being mistakenly left at the Grand Canyon. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 27

 "Smush!" Mogey shouted, whapping his pal's arm, "do you see what I see?" 

"I think so," Smush replied, "but I double checked and that glow up ahead isn't a Drive Thru Tacos Deluxe after all. It's just the stinkin' sun."

"Not the sun - take a gander through the trees there. Doesn't that look like a wishing well?"

"Erm," said Smush, "I suppose..."

"The perfect opportunity to wish for that water trampoline we've been wanting!"

"Well..."

"And," Mogey continued, "I just so happen to have a coin for each of us. If we double up on wishes, that water bouncer is as good as ours."

"I don't know," Smush said as Mogey dragged him toward the wishing well. "I think I'd rather save my wish for a shooting star or something."

"Nonsense!" 

Mogey thrust a piece of silver into his pal's hand and addressed the roofed stone structure that stood in the midst of a clearing. He placed his own coin atop his fist and prepared to flip it into the well.

"I wish for a top-of-the-line, inflatable, reinforced water tra--"

"Don't mind if I do!" croaked a voice from inside the well. Out shot a long and sticky tongue, which snatched the coin from Mogey's hand before he could finish his wish. Moments later, two bulbous eyes peeked out over the well's circular stone wall.

"Who in the world are you?" Mogey demanded. 

"Name's Beardley the coin-eating toad," the creature replied, somehow making a crunching sound as he chewed away at Mogey's silver. "Oh - hullo, Smush."

Smush shifted awkwardly when Beardley spoke to him, but said nothing in reply.

"Tell me, Smush," Beardley continued, grinning a warty grin, "did you ever get that 'Mogey-eating shark' you were wishing for when I munched your coin last week? As I am wont to do? Hmm?" 

"Well?" demanded Mogey, hands on hips. "Answer the toad! Is this why I keep seeing a circling dorsal fin and hearing a rumbling tumbly every time I go near the pond?"

"Alright!" Smush admitted. "It's true. I split a roast goose with our pal Ham von Hamm and got my shark on the wishbone. But I couldn't have you hogging the water trampoline when we do finally get it!"