The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 6

 "There she is, Mogey," Smush said, pointing to a young lady sitting in the far corner of the cafe. "Nelly Simmons-Timmons." 

"Is she the one reading Weakly Weekly or the one wearing the 10-gallon hat?" 

"She's the one with the pop-tart in her lapel. See?"

"Ah," said Mogey, somewhat nervously. "I'm not sure about this, Smush. I've never been on a blind date before."

"Nonsense," Smush replied. "What did I tell you? Nelly Simmons-Timmons is one of the bubbliest young ladies around. You two will get along like a racoon and a garbage bag full of shredded wheat."

"'Bubbliest?' Does that mean she washes her hands a lot?"

"No, it's an expression. It means she--"

"Oh... oh! Does it mean she has carbuncles?" Mogey inquired.

"Of course not," said Smush. "She--"

"I know - it must mean she drinks a lot of soda. Is that it? Maybe you're right that we'll hit it off. After all, I do love soda."

"No, Mogey, see here: it's--" 

Smush was cut off mid-sentence by Nelly Simmons-Timmons herself, who took a long pull of her Big Gulp and let out a cafe-silencing belch.

"Pardon me," Mogey said, dreamily pushing past his pal, "I do believe I'm in love."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 5

 "Let's see," said Mogey as he portioned out the week's rations, "six burritos apiece for lunch, four for dinner, then there's my ten o'clock burrito break, and I'll need a couple for midnight snacks, so if I add these numbers, carry the one and... drat!"

"Trouble with your burrito math?" queried Smush. 

"Indeed," Mogey replied. "I can't do all these figures in my head - I need my octopus."

"I think you mean your abacus?"

"I think not."

"But Mogey," said Smush, "even if you did use an octopus for counting, we clearly have many, many more than eight burritos to count."

"You'll see," Mogey replied. He dashed up the first few steps of the staircase, immediately lost his breath, and staggered slowly up the rest of the flight. 

Mogey returned moments later, holding in his arms none other than Blubberculus, the 90-legged octopus and known felon. Evidently, Blubberculus wasn't hiding out in Cyprus as the media had speculated, but instead had been living in the secret saltwater tank Mogey kept behind his DVD collection.

"Mogey," Smush whispered, "you're aiding and abetting a fugitive!"

"HOLD IT!" Mogey shouted. "I may be aiding, but I'll skip one of my two midnight burritos before I sit here and allow you to say I'm abetting! Besides, you know my personal motto."

"Not this again..."

"Burritos..." Mogey coaxed. 

"I know, I know. 'Burritos first, then civic duty,'" Smush recited. "Fine, but let's get these 'ritos counted quickly and call the cops. Blubberculus is due for another felony, and the way he's looking at me, I have a feeling I'm going to be involved."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 4

 Whuff-whuff-whuff-whuff PHOOOOOOOOO! blared the steam engine of the Coldroast & Taterskeen Railway. As they settled into their seats, Mogey and Smush were nearly beside themselves with excitement. They'd never ridden aboard a trans-county railway before. While they looked forward to reaching their destination (a picturesque lake town called Cheddar-upon-Burger), a more immediate thrill had captured their imaginations: The snack trolley.

"Do you see it? Is it coming?" Mogey exclaimed.

"Not yet, but we've only just left the station," said Smush. 

"Well keep your eyes open, man! We can't miss it!" 

Fifteen of the most excruciating minutes of Mogey and Smush's lives passed before a harried but mysterious young man pushed a small metal cart into their car. In their anticipation, Mogey gnawed on Smush's upper arm twice, while Smush accidentally drooled upon the neighbor in the next seat. Luckily, their fellow passenger was a sentient plant named Drat Cactus who didn't mind in the least. At last the trolley reached their row.

"Ah yes," Mogey said politely, dislodging his teeth from Smush's elbow, "I suppose I'll have... a western bacon double cheeseburger, one cistern of rarebit, and a Hawaiian Punch Polar Blast." 

"I'm sorry, sir," answered the trolley attendant, "but we've only got tea and muesli bars."

"Fair enough," Mogey rejoined. "A single cheeseburger will be fine."

"Um, it's... it's really just the tea and muesli."

"That harried but mysterious young man has it in for me," Mogey muttered, as the trolley stopped near the compartments at the far end of the train. He tore into his second of the sixteen muesli bars the pals had purchased.

"I think it was just a meager snack trolley," Smush crunched mueslily. "Not at all what we expected." 

But Mogey wasn't listening. He stood from his seat and crept toward the compartments.

"Don't do it, Mogey," Smush called after him, "you'll ruin our vacation. There's just no way to fry hamburgers on a trolley that small."

"Ah ha!" Mogey shouted as he burst through the door of the compartment the trolley stood next to. The sight that met his eyes was the kind of betrayal only experienced by spiders and Chutes and Ladders players. The harried but mysterious young man held forth a silver platter loaded with western bacon double cheeseburgers, and the centerpiece? The coup de grace? A western bacon triple cheeseburger.

Mogey was about to lunge for the trolley attendant when Smush caught him from behind. 

"No, Mogey," his pal intoned as he pulled a wad of cash and a cat o' nine tails from his back pocket. "You leave him to me."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 3

 When Mogey saw Smush enter the beef mincery for their semi-weekly procurement of hamburg, he noticed that his pal looked decidedly forlorn. Hangdog, if you will. Unquestionably down in the mouth. 

"Why the long face?" Mogey asked.

"I was mugged," Smush replied, sadly pulling his lower lip up off the mincery floor and tucking it under his front teeth for safekeeping. 

"Mugged? Shall I call the constable?" Mogey beckoned Heavenly Kevinly Bunk, heir apparent to the Bunk Minced Beef empire. "Say, Heav Kev: lend me your phone, won't you?"

"What for?" Smush asked.

"Why, to apprehend the villain, of course! We've got to report him to the police."

"I don't understand... what villain?"

"The mugger!" Mogey exclaimed.

"Ah," said Smush hesitantly. "Um... when I say 'mugged...'"

Mogey stared at his pal for a full three minutes before responding. "Please tell me this doesn't have something to do with root beer."

"You weren't there!" Smush declared. "It was the frostiest, foamiest mug of sarsaparilla you've ever seen, and then before I knew it - it was just gone."

"Your telephone, Heav Kev, and my apologies," Mogey intoned as he returned the minced beef proprietor's receiver. "But while I've got you, how about a pound and a half of 80/20?"