Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 637

"I bet I can do more chin-ups than you," Smush said randomly as the two pals were both filling out their income tax returns with crayons. Smush had chosen a periwinkle-colored crayon. Mogey, of course, was using burnt sienna.

"I bet you can't," Mogey replied.

"Well, I suppose we'll need an impartial judge," Smush announced.

Two days later, Mogey and Smush found themselves in Frau Pferdefleish's barn, warming up their muscles and getting just the right amount of chalk onto their hands.

"Take your places," said Fashionisto Buck, the agreed-upon impartial judge. Despite his commitment to neutrality, Buck had accepted many, many bribes from both Mogey and Smush over the last two days. So many, in fact, that he'd forgotten who was ahead and become impartial once more.

Mogey and Smush crouched below two of Frau Pferdefleish's many chin-up bars.

"Ready? And... go!" shouted Buck.

Mogey and Smush leaped up to grab hold of their respective chin-up bars and strained mightily. To the naked eye - and even the modestly clothed eye - neither of them appeared to gain any altitude whatsoever, but Buck raced back and forth, making precise chalk markings on the barn wall before each of the deflated pals fell to the floor in a heap.

"I definitely beat you!" Mogey yelled breathlessly.

"No chance," Smush disagreed. "I made it at least one sixteenth of an inch!"

The pals looked at Fashionisto Buck expectantly, as he took careful measurements with a slide rule.

"Sorry," Buck said finally, "but the height of both chin-ups is almost undetectable. I'd need a vernier caliper to call this anything other than a draw."

"Well it just so happens," Mogey proclaimed slyly, as he reached into his back pocket, "that I brought a vernier caliper for this very reason."

"That's a charleston chew," Buck said. He looked down at the candy bar in confusion. "Is this supposed to be another bribe?"

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