The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 611

One evening, Mogey's nurse was performing his nightly ear inspection (gnats had a tendency to nest in Mogey's ears) while Smush sat nearby keeping the two of them company.

"Don't forget, Smush," the nurse said, raising her eyes from Mogey's ears sternly, "you've got to take your pill tonight."

"Right-o," Smush replied. "Thanks for reminding me." He unwrapped a small cod-and-butter sandwich from a paper bag on the table and began to eat it.

"You call your nightly sandwich a 'pill?'" Mogey asked skeptically.

"Maybe I do and maybe I don't," Smush retorted. "But at least I don't still have a nurse at the ripe old age of 42."

"Whatever! I'd only be, like, seven in dog years."

"Not at all how dog years work, Mogey. Not even a little."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 610

"Well, Mogey," Smush announced as he strode into the chicken coop with a book of weighlifting exercises and a jug of muscle milk, "I've purchased us two gym memberships."

"Gym memberships?" Mogey demanded, disgustedly throwing down two eggs he had recently retrieved. "I always thought we were the type of guys who got strong by lifting logs and stones out in the forest."

"Have you ever lifted a log or a stone in your life?"

"Of course not," Mogey replied. "That's what we have Lumberjack Pierre and Bertram the Rockbuster for."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 609

On a day so cold that penguins shivered and icicles grew icicles, Mogey strode into the house wearing a tank top and stomped the snow off his boots.

"Land alive!" Smush cried. "Aren't you freezing, dressed like that on a day like this?"

"Nah," Mogey replied. "I was quite comfortable."

Smush crept forward to inspect his pal. Sure enough there was nary a goosebump nor a moosebump nor even a papoosebump to be found. In fact...

"I say, are you actually sweating?" Smush demanded.

"Yeah," Mogey admitted around a mouthful of doughnut. "But that's because I ate a dozen doughnuts down at Waffle King. I always get sweaty when I'm eating doughnuts."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 608

Smush was doing something very foolish. He had climbed way out to the perilously slender end of a branch midway up their apple tree, and he was reaching out for the plumpest, juiciest apple in the whole orchard. He was only a few tempting inches away, so he inched a bit further and stretched his hand out as far as it would go.

Suddenly Smush felt himself losing his balance, and before he knew it he had tumbled through the air to land flat on his back atop several hard ground apples.

"Smush! Smush!" Mogey cried, running over in a panic. "What have you done? You've squashed half a dozen of our finest cider apples!"

"I'm alright, thanks," Smush said sarcastically as he lifted himself tenderly to his feet.

"Do you know what's not alright? These cider apples," Smush replied, picking one off the ground and biting it dramatically, only to spit it out in disgust. "Don't come crying to ol' Mogey when you can only have one gallon of mulled cider per night this winter, instead of your customary 1.2 gallons."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 607

Smush happened upon Mogey on the third floor of Buxelton Manor, the country house where they were visiting their uncle, Baron Bertram Buxelton I, for the summer. Mogey appeared to be attempting to fiddle the doorknob open with his foot.

"What the world is going on here?" Smush asked, putting down his tray of ring dings and zebra cakes.

"It's these darn doorknobs," said Mogey. "I can't figure out how to get them open."

"Why, they work exactly the same as the doorknobs at our house."

"But that's just the thing," Mogey muttered, his eyes darting furtively about, "I don't know how to use those doorknobs either. I just kick in the door to my bedroom every night."

"You never learned how to open a doorknob?" Smush exclaimed, bursting into merry laughter.

"Is it funny?" Mogey demanded. He grabbed Smush by his admittedly stylish lapels and shoved him against the wall. "Is it funny to be a doorknob fool? Stop laughing and help me for goodness sakes!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 606

One afternoon, Smush took a break from doing calisthenics to have a drink of water from his canteen when he noticed Mogey cutting cheese in a most unusual manner.

"I hate to be the moth at a butterfly convention," Mogey said, "but these new knives you got are a bit awkward to cut with."

"That's because they're not knives, Mogey. They're ninja stars."

"Ahhhh... but why do you have ninja stars?"

"Because I am a ninja," Smush replied. "Seriously, Mogey, I can't believe you don't even know what I do for a living."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 605

Back in Mogey and Smush's day, skiers were forced to hike to the top of any mountain they wished to ski, because the ski lifts had all broken down due to shoddy upkeep. And it was no coincidence that Mogey and Smush often made their livings as ski lift keeper-uppers.

One wintry Saturday, Mogey and Smush came back to the lodge to warm up after a long morning of greasing the ski lift machinery they were supposed to have greased weeks earlier. It was a frigid day, and the pals' chubby little hands were aching with cold.

"What can I get you boys?" asked the snack shop attendant, noticing their discomfort.

"Hot chocolate for me," Smush replied. "What about you, Mogey? Hot tea? Coffee? Broth of various kinds?"

"I'll take an ice-cold cola," Mogey replied confidently. "You see, it's a common misconception that hot drinks warm you up. A cold drink feels so cold in your tummy that your hands actually feel warm by comparison."

"Are you actually crazier than a crosseyed accountant?" Smush asked. "Or just faking it?"