The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 47

One morning, Smush sat on his front porch chewing sunflower seeds and working on a needlepoint depicting Buster Prawnbreath, the main character in his favorite serialized detective story. Just as Smush put the finishing touches on Buster's moustache, Mogey rumbled up sitting atop a wagon. 

"What ho, Smush!" Mogey announced.

"My question precisely," said Smush. "What've you got there?"

"Why, the food for our feast! The Blunderbuss twins are right behind me with two more wagons." 

"Our what?"

"Our feast!" Mogey exclaimed. 

"What in the name of Buster Prawnbreath is a 'feast?'"

"Are you putting me on?" Mogey asked. "You know - a feast! A big meal with lots of food, and drink, and food, and hearty victuals. We planned this all out last week!" 

"Ah," Smush replied, "that explains it. I'm not much of a food guy. I probably thought you were talking about a 'beast' or summat."

"First off, we very much do have a beast," Mogey stated as Big John Blunderbuss pulled up in a wagon carrying a beef roast so enormous that its axles looked as if they might give out. "And second off, what do you mean you're 'not much of a food guy?' I once saw you wash down three dozen oysters with four dozen more oysters!"

"That was the old me, Moge-man," Smush replied, although Mogey couldn't help but notice that his pal was edging nearer to the roast beast wagon and dabbing the corners of his mouth with the Buster Prawnbreath needlepoint.

"So, uh, do you guys want me to take this back to the abattoir or...?" Big John Blunderbuss inquired.

"Let's not be too hasty," Smush said, hastily. "I did just finish the moustache segment of my Buster Prawnbreath needlepoint - and as you're no doubt aware, the moustache is the most technical segment of any needlepoint. It's as good an occasion to celebrate as any. Perhaps one of these - what did you call them, Mogey? - 'feasts' is in order after all."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 46

Sergeant Sargento had made a career out of whipping young recruits into shape. And over decades of experience, he'd developed a knack for instantly figuring out which recruits were most under-whipped. Never had that been more apparent than with the two individuals who stood before him presently.

"Private Mogey," Sergeant Sargento declared, his face mere inches from Mogey's, "do I detect a smudge of chocolate on your face?" 

"S'more, yes, S'more!" Mogey shouted. 

"Private Smush," said Sergeant Sargento, taking a step to the left, "did your pal just call me 'S'more?'"

"S'more, yes, S'more!" Smush answered.

"Why do you two imbeciles keep saying 'S'more?'" Sergeant Sargento demanded.

"Sir, we're a bit nervous, S'more," Mogey said. 

"Nervous, eh? No need to be nervous."

"Sir, thank you, sir," Smush replied, breathing an obvious sigh of relief.

"No problem," Sergeant Sargento said as he patted each of the pals on the shoulder. "I have just one further question."

"Sir, ask us anything, sir," Mogey rejoined.

"How - and before you answer this, keep in mind that any recruit caught bringing candy into my barracks faces consequences ranging from boxing my brother, Oswaldo 'The Big Cheese' Sargento, to boxing my other brother, Enrique 'El Queso Grande' Sargento - how did you end up with chocolate on your face?"

"S'more?" Mogey asked uncertainly. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 45

Soon after graduating from the Gunkman Academy of Tranquility and Food Science (or as most students called it, Lazin' and Grazin') Mogey and Smush moved to the big city and found quarters with two roommates. Their co-lodgers were a pair of bankers named Anthony Sherlock and Paul Yell (or as Mogey and Smush called them, Snoopin' and Whoopin'). 

One Friday evening, the four residents of Number 17 Plumple Street decided to dine in on Chinese takeaway, and Paul Yell was nominated to place the order. 

"What about some potstickers?" Mogey suggested. "I gots to have my potstickers." 

"Are you sure?" Paul Yell replied, looking at his tally. "We've already got 34 dishes on our list."

"No, no, he's right," said Anthony Sherlock. "We need to make sure there'll be enough for leftovers."

"What are you talking about?" Mogey demanded.

"Sorry?"

"That word you used... 'left... overs,' was it? I'm not familiar with that term."

"It's probably Bulgarian," Smush suggested smoothly. "Sherlock is a Bulgarian name, is it not? Please, share with us the exotic customs and unique terminology of your mother country - it's the whole reason we moved to the big city!"

"I'm from New Jersey," Anthony Sherlock responded.

"Hello, Panda Garden?" Paul Yell said into the telephone. "I'd like to place an order for takeaway. Have you got a robust pen handy? It's going to be at least 35 dishes." 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 44

"Good morrow, Mogey," Smush stated when his pal welcomed him into the parlor one fine morning. "How does your cousin fare? I recall you mentioning he was your houseguest this fortnight."

"Cousin Bogey?" Mogey said. "He's exhausted, to be honest. He was up all night talking to Ralph on the big white phone, if you catch my drift."

"I believe I do," Smush replied.

"He was praying to the porcelain god - know what I mean?"

"Say no more," Smush confirmed.

Just then the door bell rang. Mogey and Smush answered it together, finding a little man in a white tuxedo standing on the front stoop in the blinding sunshine. His moustache was curled so high that it touched the brim of his white top hat, and he kept both thumbs tucked into his suspenders.

"Are you..." Mogey mumbled.

"... Ralph Flushing, the toilet king of the west?" he and Smush continued together.

"Yes sirs, I am," Ralph Flushing confirmed, "though I must say I'm quite partial to the nickname Lord Rumbly gave me when I plumbed his entire country house in less than 24 hours."

"'The Porcelain God," Mogey and Smush intoned. Ralph Flushing nodded. 

"I believe that caller is for me," hollered a voice from up the stairs. This utterance was followed immediately by the descent of Mogey's cousin Bogey, taking the steps three-at-a-time.

The family resemblance was tenuous at best. Bogey stood at least twice Mogey's height and perhaps one third of his width, and yet on that morning he wore a pair of pajamas borrowed from his cousin. A long stalk of wheat hung from Bogey's mouth, though his garments could not have looked less cowboy-like.

"Ah, the very young man I'm here to see," Ralph Flushing gushed. Turning to Mogey, he continued, "your cousin is quite impressive! We talked for hours over the telephone last evening, and the praise he heaped upon me and my operation was most flattering. He even stopped by my estate in the wee hours and tossed cookies through several of my open windows. Yes, Bogey, I'm here to offer you a job at my company, and I hope you'll consider it." 

And that is the story of how Bogey became the Chief Marketing Officer at Flushing Toilets, the position in which he would come to entirely reshape the public discourse on the commode.