The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 25

One damp, grey day, Mogey and Smush could be found in a rowboat, doing what people normally do in a rowboat: cutting a meandering path through the water because they're facing the wrong direction. 

Their destination? A peculiar bakery called Doug H. Nuts' Bagels, Pies, & Cakes that supposedly only served you if you could perform 10 pushups or owned a moustache. Now, the former was a literal impossibility for Mogey and Smush: Mogey's arms were so short that his belly touched the ground even when his elbows were locked, and the term "pushups" made Smush recall Flintstones Push Ups Sherbet Treats so vividly that he inevitably slipped in a puddle of his own drool. 

The pals couldn't grow their own moustaches either, but they had found a way around that by visiting the finest periwig-maker in the community, a hostile young elf named Conrad Phoont who could make you a heck of a fake moustache if you could put up with his constant name-calling.

"Hang your 'secret rowing method!'" Smush exclaimed after their rowboat had described a massive circle in the middle of the lake at Mogey's hand. His tummy was rumbling with desire for bagels, pies, and indeed, cakes. "I'm taking over!"

"You'll have to take these oars from me if you want 'em, you gollumpus!" Mogey replied. 

"One person, and I mean one person only, calls me a gollumpus and gets away with it. That person is Conrad Phoont. And you, my friend, are no Conrad Phoont!" 

Smush lunged at his pal and commenced to pummel him with a vicious combination of open-palm slaps and closed-fist noogies. Mogey returned the favor with a flurry of monkey bites. 

"Oh no," Mogey panted when the fracas finally subsided. "I've lost my moustache overboard. We'll never get into Doug H. Nuts' now!"

"We've got bigger problems," Smush replied. "The oars are gone too."

Some say Mogey and Smush are floating out there still. But some are wrong. What really happened is that they paddled to shore with their hands, then sat on the front porch of Doug H. Nuts' blubbering so severely that Doug H. Nuts himself brought them a bagel, pie, and cake apiece.