In the city of Hammingham there stood a popular establishment known as Mom! I'm Board: Games 'n' More. And it was said that to be the best at Mom! I'm Board you had to beat the best at Mom! I'm Board. In the sport of checkers, that honor went unequivocally to Dastardly Philip, a blond goblin who had pioneered both the quadruple jump and wraparound sunglasses.
Mogey and Smush stepped out of the coach they'd hired to bring them to Mom! I'm Board, partially because the muddy streets of Hammingham made walking across the city nearly impossible, and partially because they wanted privacy for their pregame meal of quesalupas and cheesy bites pizza.
Tonight was the night. Tonight they would take on Dastardly Philip once and for all. They'd worn checkered shirts. They'd even spent the last month assembling checkered pasts by committing small crimes and consorting with several nefarious characters in the meat and dairy black market. The pals strode into the games parlour and sat down opposite Dastardly Philip.
"Hello, Phil," Smush said confidently.
"Smush," Dastardly Philip acknowledged with a nod. He tucked a lank blond coif behind his ear. "Mogey. Let's checker."
Mogey and Smush each placed a finger upon one of the red pieces. Together they pushed it forward one square, and in unison intoned, "king me."
Dastardly Philip let out a squeal like a guidance counselor who just saw hunky TV weatherman Beau Vapor in the frozen foods aisle. He cracked his knuckles and turned to one of his cronies, a bubble hockey specialist named Lance.
"Get the press release ready," Dastardly Philip announced. "I think tonight is the night I finally execute a quintuple jump."
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