In the settlement of Porkle, the most respected individual was the eldest citizen: Ma Sausage. Porkle's matriarch, who had been there at the little colony's founding, may have seemed a sweet old lady, but she ruled with an iron fist. Miscreants were not tolerated. Scallywags? Tossed outside the protection of Porkle's palisade. And anyone caught mocking Ma Sausage's name was conscripted to groom her pair of ornery mastiffs, Tweedledee and The Pest.
So the community took it seriously whenever a new year dawned and Ma Sausage required that each citizen be paraded before her so that she might assess the quality of their new year's resolutions.
When Mogey and Smush's turn came, they stepped forward confidently to announce their resolutions as a team, something Ma Sausage reluctantly allowed.
"Well well," said Ma Sausage. "Porkle's least productive pair of citizens. What do you resolve heading into a fresh annum? And I warn you, after that incident at the gristmill in September, you are both getting dangerously close to 'scallywag' territory."
"We've got just the thing, Ma Sausage," Smush replied. "Our new year's resolution is to be more us."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning we're dropping the mask, baby-- pardon-- Ma Sausage!" Mogey chimed in. "Both of us are through with worrying what others think of us. We're just going to be our authentic selves!"
"So the gentlemen who angered literally every one of their neighbors and nearly brought the entire settlement to its knees when they shut down the gristmill attempting to make, and I quote, 'pre-mixed pancake batter...' these gentlemen are going to stop caring what everyone else thinks?"
"Precisely," Mogey and Smush confirmed.
Ma Sausage stared at the pals for what seemed like a long time. Finally she said, "You know, I was there when the founders Cap'n McDougle and Pierre Bonks debated for two weeks about whether this settlement should be called Porkpie or Pickle before finally agreeing upon the elegant portmanteau we emblazon on our flag (and the official City of Porkle municipal sweater vests). And in all those years... that's the finest new year's resolution I've ever heard."
"Oh, lay off, Ma Sausage!" Mogey began, before Smush interrupted him.
"No, no, Mogey - she likes our resolution. Although, heh heh, I think 'lay off Ma Sausage' is exactly what you said at the barbeque yesterday when I tried to seize the last bratwurst!"
Posts
