The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 38

"Oh ho! Here's an interesting question," Mogey said, twiddling a pencil.

"There are no 'interesting questions' in the personal ads, Moge-man," Smush sighed. "Just the rich stench of desperation."

"Come now, Smushster - you've got so much to offer. And I can assure you that the classified section of the Cheeseburgh Tribune is the perfect place to let the real you shine!"

"Very well. What fascinating prompt have the editorial staff of the ol' Cheese Trib supplied?"

Mogey glanced back at the personal ad application. "Are you more of a night owl or an early bird?" he read out.

"Flawed logic," Smush rejoined. "It can't be answered."

"Why not?"

"Well I'm not either one, am I? Firstly, I have no wings. Secondly, I have no feathers apart from that inexplicable patch of plumage on my right shoulder blade. And thirdly, I like to sleep all night and deep into the morning. Plus frequent naps. Maybe you should call me an 'afternoon koala?' Or an 'early evening opossum?'"

"I'll write that much like the mighty lion, you appreciate your sleep but possess the passion of a jungle cat."

"Fine," Smush agreed. "While we're on lion similarities, add that I have an unkempt mane and eat two-to-three gazelles per week. That'll start really painting a picture for the ladies."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 37

Whenever Mogey and Smush required funds for a hair-brained scheme - or even a bald-brained scheme, for that matter - they paid a visit to Chairmole Joel, the visionary angel investor and burrower. 

"Mr. Chairmole," Mogey began, pacing the subterranean boardroom, "we've got a can't-miss proposition for you."

"We know Lizards-on-Demand didn't quite take off the way all of us expected," Smush continued, "but this business model is much sounder." 

Joel blinked his beady black eyes at them, gesturing with a shovel-like paw to continue.

"How often," Mogey said, "when you've been eating pizza, have you said to yourself... 'I wish this had twice as much cheese?'"

"And how often," Smush added, "have you then thought 'aw, shucks, that'll never work - twice the cheese will burn the roof of my mouth?'"

Chairmole Joel's star-shaped nose quivered with excitement. 

"Well, Mr. Chairmole," Mogey concluded, "we've solved both those problems."

"May I present," Smush said, dramatically opening a mysteriously bulbous pizza box, "the pizzadilla!"

Chairmole Joel whipped his checkbook out and was furiously scribbling before Smush finished saying "dilla!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 36

The orchard was a lovely place to be on an autumn morning. That is, if you had the right attitude. Mogey and Smush did not have the right attitude.

"How can I be expected to work when it's hotter up here than the mouth of a feverish man who's just eaten the world's spiciest eggplant parmesan?" Mogey complained from the top of the ladder.

"It's a cool fall day," Smush replied. "There's a downright chill in the air!"

"Not up here, there's not," Mogey said as he mopped his brow. 

"Eat an apple or two to cool yourself down," Smush suggested. 

Always happy to try out a solution involving food, Mogey selected a red delicious from the closest tree and took a large chomp. 

"Uh oh," Smush interrupted. "Here comes the boss! We're not supposed to be munching the product - quick, eat the evidence!"

"Core and all?" Mogey said thickly. 

"Yes!" Smush urged him. "All of it - down the hatch!" 

"Wot's all this, then?" demanded Foreman Belch, rounding into view. Belch was a hop toad who stood four foot high, four foot wide, and four foot deep. 

"Just pickin', boss," Smush replied.

"And you?" Foreman Belch inquired of Mogey, whose mouth was so crammed full of apple parts that he could scarcely breathe. 

Mogey offered what he hoped was an enthusiastic thumbs-up. 

"Come down this ladder and open your mouth," Foreman Belch ordered. Mogey descended, but kept his pie-hole firmly shut. "Don't force me to make you laugh, young man." Still Mogey refused.

So Foreman Belch doffed his cap, inflated his dewlap, and performed the act that had earned his legendary ancestors their surname, all those centuries ago. For the first 30 seconds of the Foreman's heroic burp, Mogey held it together, but when the eructation went up an octave, it was no use. Mogey collapsed into hysterics, showering Foreman Belch in apple parts.

"You are hereby relieved of apple picking duty," Foreman Belch intoned. "I'll need your apple grabber and your badge. And may I say, you are a disgrace to the apple picker's uniform."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 35

"And who might you be?" Smushed asked, cooly leaning against the doorframe. The young man on the front stoop removed his hat and stepped eagerly forward.

"The name's Jonjamin Cooper-Schmutz," he said, extending a hand, "and I'm here to talk to you about... about... say, is that a piece of uncooked spaghetti in your mouth?"

"Linguini," Smush replied, clenching the hard pasta in his teeth like a matchstick. "Now what's your game, Cooper-Schmutz? Vacuum cleaners? Tupperware?" 

"Brownies, actually," Jonjamin Cooper-Schmutz replied.

"You're a door-to-door brownie salesman?"

"Indeed I am."

Moments later, Smush burst into the drawing room, his new acquaintance in tow. "Drop everything, Mogey!" he exclaimed. "This here is Jonjamin Cooper-Schmutz, and he's got a sales pitch that's about to blow your noggin clean off."