The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 44

 The house Smush lived in was profoundly haunted. Most days this proved a mild inconvenience. On All Hallows' Eve, however, it was a moderate-to-major inconvenience. Every spirit would get all wound up and overstimulated by the day's excitement, and most flummoxing of all, they would begin to compete with one another. 

One All Hallows' Eve, Mogey happened to call upon his pal just as the sky was darkening. No sooner has Smush admitted him to the foyer than they were accosted by a ghoul.

"Boo!" said the ghoul.

"Yes, yes," Mogey replied.

"Move along," Smush added. 

"You call that spooky?" scoffed a specter who materialized out of the coat rack. "I suppose it's the best one can expect from a mere phantom."

"I'm no phantom," snapped the indignant ghoul. "I am a ghoul, and proud of it!"

"What is a ghoul but a phantom who woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day?" 

"And I suppose you think specters are spookier?" 

"I don't think it. I know it!" the specter answered. He was shouting now. 

"Well?" taunted the ghoul. "Let's see what you've got."

The specter squinched up his face. The room darkened as the candles flickered. The sound of jangling chains echoed in the distance. 

"You'll have to excuse us, gentleghosts," Smush interrupted. Immediately the candles flared back to life. "We've got tickets to a midnight screening of The Creature from the Black Lagoon and if we don't leave now, we're going to miss the coming attractions. But have fun with all the spookiness. No broken mirrors or scrawled messages on the walls this year, please?"

"Boo!" the ghoul tried one more time, but his heart didn't seem to be in it. The specter snickered spookily. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 43

 "Smush, could you come to my desk, please?" said Mrs. Pewterpuff. "And yes, Mogey - before you ask - you might as well come with him."

The pals trudged to the front of the classroom and stood before the 97 pounds (99 with her spectacles on) of pure intimidation that was Gertrude Savage Pewterpuff. 

"Now then," the teacher intoned, "in the essay you turned in yesterday you described a night sky like so: 'the moon shone like a shiny moon.'"

"Good one, Smush," Mogey congratulated his pal. "I remember that night!" 

"Incorrect," said Mrs. Pewterpuff, proffering a withering glance. "That is not a good one. It is in fact a very bad one. Try comparing the moon to something other than the moon, please."

"Alright," Smush agreed, nodding his head enthusiastically. "What about this: The moon shone like a glistening ham."

"Oh, I've got one," Mogey chimed in. "The moon shone like a well-lit bowl of rice pudding." 

"Better," Mrs. Pewterpuff muttered, "but let's try one that isn't food-related."

Mogey and Smush stared at their teacher, looking more perplexed than a pair of soft drink enthusiasts who've just tasted baking soda for the first time. After a minute's contemplation, however, an idea occurred to Smush.

"I know!" he exclaimed. "The moon shone like a disturbingly empty dinner plate."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 42

 When the lunch whistle blew at the loofah mill, the workers' first thought was, of course, lunch. But after they'd mown through the roast beast sangwiches and cornish pasties in their lunch pails, the biggest, toughest, orneriest mill workers would gather in the courtyard for a thumb rassle. These monstrous men, their digits strengthened by years of loofah production, often sprained or even fractured one anothers' thumbs, so intense were their battles.

On one such lunch break, Mogey and Smush watched Mule Rodriguez square off against Mouse "The Trap" von Trapp. 

"Mule's going to dominate," Smush whispered. "Look at him - he's got his game face on."

"I'm not so sure," Mogey replied in an equally low tone. "He might just be queasy. I saw him gobbling down an obviously rancid pasty earlier."

"Wanna make things interesting?" queried Smush.

"You're on!" Mogey replied. 

Mule won the first two matches of the seven-match series with ease, celebrating the victories with his trademark "Hee-haw jig." But The Trap came roaring back, winning three of the next four matches. And so it all came down to the pivotal seventh match. 

The pure power of Mule's massive pollex seemed destined to prevail, but The Trap's thumb hunted Mule's like a mongoose hunts a king cobra: patiently waiting and then striking with surgical precision. At the very moment when it seemed Mouse "The Trap" von Trapp had worn Mule Rodriguez down and would soon strike the killing blow, an entire wedding cake crashed onto the table, covering both combatants, and - more importantly - their thumbs. 

The courtyard was thrown into chaos: so entranced had all the bystanders become by the match that not a single person saw who had dropped the cake. By longstanding tradition, in a thumb rassle tie, the competitor with the least amount of punctuation in his name was declared the winner. It was a Mule Rodriguez victory. 

"What were you thinking?" Smush demanded as his pal came scurrying back. "You were about to win our bet!"

"What bet?" Mogey said, licking a telltale bit of frosting from his forearm. "I sure made things interesting, didn't I?"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 41

 "How do I look?" Smush inquired.

"Like a fellow who's about to meet the Elven Ambassador," Mogey said. He brushed a bit of lint (and a rogue tootsie roll wrapper) from the shoulders of his pal's jacket and honked his nose. "Honk."

"Honk," Smush agreed, honking Mogey's nose in return. 

The pals exited through the front door and joined the throngs of townspeople walking toward the village square.

"Honk, Bombus," Mogey greeted their neighbor, Shawn Bombus, with a polite honk of the man's snout. 

"Honk, Mogey, honk, Smush," Bombus replied, returning the favor. "Say, congratulations on being selected to represent the village, Smush." 

"Thank you," Smush replied with a dignified honk of neighbor Bombus's beak. 

When they reached the village square, Mogey and Smush had to push through a crowd to reach the little stage that had been erected. An ornate horse-drawn carriage, gleaming whiter than a bowl of yogurt, stood nearby. With a nudge of encouragement from Mogey, Smush mounted the dais. 

A hush fell over the crowd as the carriage door opened. Out stepped the most striking individual Smush has ever beheld. The elf stood seven feet tall, her silvery hair falling past her knees, which were ensconced in ornately bedazzled jeans. She seemed to glow like a very well-illuminated bowl of yogurt.

With impossible grace, the elven ambassador stepped up to join Smush on the stage. After a moment's hesitation, Smush greeted her in the customary fashion.

"Did you just honk my nose?" the elf thundered. 

"Of course," Smush answered. "Honk."

The crowd looked on expectantly as the ambassador contemplated this most peculiar turn of events. "I think I'm going to like it here," she said at last.

"Good," Smush replied. "Now do you by any chance have some yogurt in that carriage? I've got a real craving for some reason."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 40

Mogey and Smush strode the darkened hallways of the aquatic vivarium, gazing at various fish, molluscs, and other sea creatures.

"Hold it, Smush," Mogey said, skidding to a halt. "This little crab has something stuck on his rump."

"Please don't roll your r's when you say 'rump,'" Smush requested. "But it seems you're correct. Miss! Pardon me, miss!" He flagged down a passing aquarist and pointed into the tank. "This miniature fellow seems to have his rump lodged in a seashell. Can you help him?"

"We really do prefer it if you roll your r's when you refer to our animals' rumps," replied the keeper, "but worry not! That's a hermit crab. That shell is his home." 

"Wow!" Mogey marveled. "That doesn't sound too bad."

"Carrying your house around on your back?" Smush inquired.

"No sir," said Mogey. "'Hermit crab.' I just had a vision of hermit crabs with butter and cajun seasoning for £19.99."