The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 26

 As Mogey (stage name: Mo G. Postlethwaite) and Smush (stage name: Smush) readied themselves to go out into the limelight for a live production of The Shortstop Who Dropped a Bundt: A Cake Batter Tragedy, Smush caught sight of something on the dressing room table. 

"Say," he sayed to their costar, a young sasquatch named Doig (stage name: DD Munter-Schmidt), "what goes on with thine hairbrush?"

"Ah," Doig replied, "yes, this brush is very special to me. Each bristle is a quill from a different porcupine my grandfather befriended, photographed, and betrayed. And yours?" he asked, gesturing to Smush's hairbrush with his hirsute paw.

"Well, erm..." Smush answered bashfully. "Mine's not quite as nice as yours. But I did get it for $3.99 at Rite Aid. And I was able to pick up some Hot Shot Crunch-ums while I was there."

"This guy!" Mogey said, shaking his head. "How can you let a drugstore hairbrush touch your locks before going on stage? The hair is the moneymaker for chaps like us!"

"What's the history of your brush?" Doig inquired.

"Stole it from the Duchess of Churl," Mogey replied. "It's got a walrus ivory inlay handle and bristles softer than spun pudding." He threw his arm around the sasquatch's shoulder. "Yep, stick with me, young Doig. Mo G. Postlethwaite won't steer you wrong in this mad old business."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 25

 When Mogey saw Smush return to their apartments, he knew immediately that an evening of consolation was in store. Tears streamed down his pal's face and Smush's right arm was plunged into a bag of donuts up to the elbow (a contented Smush would've had both hands in the donut bag).

"What is it?" Mogey queried, patting his pal on the back. "What's happened?"

"Dorothy e-e-ended it!" Smush howled, throwing himself to the ground in anguish (and also because he had dropped a cruller down there).

"Now, Smush, let us talk it out. This wouldn't be the first time you mistakenly thought Dorothy was breaking things off. What did she say exactly?"

"Ok," Smush said, "alright. We were at dinner--"

"Where?" Mogey demanded. 

"Her favorite place for duck: Quackin' in the Bracken."

"Go on," Mogey mumbled around a mouthful of pilfered donut.

"So we were at dinner, and Dorothy said to me, she said, 'You know how people say one is the loneliest number? When I'm with you, I feel like two is the loneliest number.'" As he related the story, Smush's wails started up afresh.

"Oh, Smush, that's a compliment!"

"R-really?" Smush asked, wiping tears and glaze from his face.

"Of course! Let me ask you this: How many ducks did you order?"

"Two."

"And how many were remaining when Dorothy made that comment?"

"None. We'd eaten it all."

"You see?" Mogey said. "Clearly Dorothy was commenting on the fact that when you dine together, a plate holding two ducks is soon to feel mighty lonely."

"I think I understand..." said Smush. "But how is that a compliment again?"

"Trust me. What happened next?"

"Let's see... Dorothy threw a glass of water into my face, stuffed a duck carcass into my sweater, boinked my nose, and said, 'tell Mogey you're not mistaken this time. I never want to see you again!'"

"Hmm," Mogey replied.

"What do you think it all means?" Smush asked.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 24

 One evening, Mogey and Smush called on their pals, the McGill brothers - Bill, Phil, and Herman - or as they were known in their traveling acrobatics show, "The Witless Triplets."  

In the midst of the merriment, Mogey turned to Bill McGill. "Might I use your washroom?" he asked.

"Of course," replied Bill, midway through his third set of pull-ups that evening, "just hang on a tick. Phil is in there at the moment."

"Surely you must have a washroom on the second floor of the McGill estate?"

"We do," Bill answered. "Although we prefer to call it 'Witless Manor.' But I wouldn't recommend using our upstairs lavatory - the entire second story is haunted beyond belief. Simply riddled with ghouls, I tell you."

"Boo to that," Smush chimed in, "Mogey hasn't met the ghost yet who could frighten him." Though Smush couldn't help but notice that his pal had jumped at the word "boo."

"Aye," Mogey agreed. "There's really only one spirit on the planet who could frighten me, and I highly doubt he dwells in the residence of three elite athletes." 

"Suit yourself," said Herman McGill, rising for his ninth rep of Romanian deadlifts. "The stairs are just to the left."

Mogey mounted the creaky wooden steps and entered a second floor hallway becobwebbed and echoing with strange sounds. He could see the washroom at the far end, but three doorways adorned the path to reach it. As he passed the first, a floating, pearly figure with eyes blacker than the most burnt sugar cookie burst forth.

"WOOoooOOOooo!" the ghost moaned.

"Nah," said Mogey, and he strode on.

The second door he passed melted to a puddle, revealing a skeleton draped in clanking chains. 

"Join usssssss," hissed the skeleton.

"Meh," said Mogey, and he strode on. 

The third door swung open slowly, gripped from the inside by a hand of mysterious construct. The fingers were fat, greasy, and golden brown. 

"No," said Mogey shakily, "it couldn't be!"

But as the door swung open fully, a figure appeared. A figure whose fingers, nose, and hair were all clearly made of cornmeal-robed hot dogs. Mogey shrieked so loudly it covered the growling of his tummy, and took off for the staircase faster than Mulligan Plunk (the slickest seal in Labrador) slides down an ice floe.

Smush took one look at his pal's ashen face as Mogey re-entered the gathering. "The Ghost of Corndogs Past?" he asked.

"The Ghost of Corndogs Past," Mogey confirmed. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 23

 "Seems we have a problem," said Smush, as the two pals sat on the curb outside Purvis McGloin's Candles n' More. The candle shop offered free smells, of which he and Mogey had taken full advantage. "With our nostrils exhausted to this degree, walking home is simply out of the question. Let us lay out our options."

"Agreed," Mogey agreed. "Let's see: Well, of course there's the omnibus."

"Quite. Squeaky Harry's haywagon would take us most of the way - I saw it parked behind the bagelerie."

"Those two young toads have also started running that bathtub pedicab. What's their slogan again?"

"The wetter the ride, the better the ride," Smush said. "All reasonable options, but none of them particularly appealing."

Just then, a monstrosity of a vehicle pulled up before them. Its massive engines sounded like two robot dragons in a wrestling match that had started out playful but then turned overly intense. Its paint was pinker than a brand new donut box. And each of its six wheels stood higher than Mogey and Smush (and nearly as wide). This could be no one but Frederick "The Walking Knuckle" De La Tarta, muscle car enthusiast, pro-gluten activist, and Mogey and Smush's next door neighbor.

Mogey and Smush took one look at each other. "CHANGE OF PLANS!" they announced in unison.