The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 14

 If ever a dirty job needed to be done on Mogey and Smush's ranch (El Rancho De Queso), the pals had a time-honored method for deciding who would do it. This method was called Skunk Trial. Each pal would present an assiduously researched case for why he should not be the one required to perform the task to an impartial judge: A wise old ptarmigan named Chilly Pete. After hearing the arguments, Chilly Pete would declare one pal the skunk and one pal Lord Pepperjack. 

While the skunk completed the work in question, the Lord Pepperjack was required to act as aristocratically as possible. Typical activities for a Lord Pepperjack could include ostentatiously smoking chocolate cigars, drinking champagne, ostentatiously smoking liquorice pipes, and buying an entire newspaper, reading only the funny pages, and throwing the rest of the paper away.

After one such Skunk Trial, Smush tromped out of the water closet, wet from head to toe and covered in axle grease. 

"Ah, myes, young Smush," said Mogey, peering over the top of the R volume of Encyclopedia Britannica, which Smush couldn't help but notice was upside-down. "How goes the elimination of that pesky clog in our sink?" 

"Finished! And you're never going to guess what was stopping up the drain."

"A bean burrito! Ahem--," Mogey stammered, remembering his obligation as Lord Pepperjack. "What I mean to say, old bean (burrito), is that I might contend 'twas a legume-based delicacy causing the obstruction."

"Incorrect," Smush replied. "You'll never guess it."

"A bundle of old lottery tickets? Ahem-- winning lottery tickets?"

"It is unguessable, I say!" 

"Wait! Wait! One more guess: Was it... the golden egg of a golden bog goblin?"

"Mogey," Smush said, shaking his head, "you never cease to astound me." From behind his back he pulled a gilded orb aglow with goblinish glamour. Chilly Pete gasped aloud and nearly fell out of his nest atop a stack of Encyclopedia Britannicas.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 13

 On a foggy afternoon when all one could possibly do was hole up in some cozy study with a canvas-bound book or drink a steaming cup of bone broth with hot english mustard to try and shake the chill from one's bones, Mogey and Smush were out on a caper. Technically, they were out on two capers simultaneously: Mogey was working a scheme he called "Woodchuck Weight Watchers" while Smush had a shenanigan brewing to procure deeply-discounted slush from italian ice vendors. 

This meant that - like nearly every one of the pals' capers - they found themselves in a bird blind in the city park, two pairs of binocs at their eyes, a party size bag of cheddar 'n' cheddar potato chips at their sides. 

"Say!" Mogey exclaimed, batting at Smush's sleeve. "Look who just walked up the gazebo steps!"

"Is that the pigeon who used to bully you in middle school?" Smush asked with a swivel of his binocs. 

"What? Brian 'Big Pidge' Boikins? It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. It wouldn't be. Would it? And anyhow, I was talking about the human man standing down there. It's Mather Mallow, of all people!"

"The confection mogul?"

"No," said Mogey, "the other Mather Mallow."

"Ah," Smush said, "the celebrity hog-rasslin' fitness instructor."

"I suppose it's the other other Mather Mallow."

"Of course - the famed eavesdropper and carnival game master who will challenge any man, beast, or spirit to out-hear him?"

"Wow," Mogey opined, "I never realized there were so many notable Mather Mallows in our community."

"There sure are!" Mather Mallow shouted from the gazebo, giving Mogey and Smush the best double pistol wink they'd seen since they offered 'Big Pidge' Boikins a fresh stick of bubblegum. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2023 Edition - Episode 12

 "This is so exciting," Mogey intoned gleefully, "I've always wanted to know more about your childhood, Smush!" 

Smush's sister, Anastasia Smush, had come to visit, her first call since Mogey and Smush had become pals, business partners, and co-arch enemies of Raymond "Nails" Murdock, the local cobbler and star linebacker. To get her better acquainted with the area, Mogey and Smush had brought Anastasia along on a morning constitutional through The Forest of Drip (so-called for the intense moisture and gaudy jewelry worn by local gnomes). 

"Sorry, Mogey," said Anastasia, "but I've been sworn to secrecy."

"Grumble, grumble," Smush mumbled.

"Did you just say the words 'grumble, grumble,?'" Mogey queried.

"Grumble," Smush replied.

"Anyhoo," said Mogey, as they walked through a particularly humid patch of forest, startling a pair of gnomes who were comparing diamond nose rings, "did you ever wonder why there are so many ferns growing in these damp woods?"

"Well," Smush answered, "most ferns are epiphytic vascular plants that harvest moisture from the air around them. It's only natural that they'd grow in rainforests, riverbanks, and other damp areas."

"Uh... huh..." Mogey said, his curiosity piqued. "And what about pine forests? Have you any idea why I breathe so much easier in a fine stand of pines?"

Anastasia Smush replied without a thought. "Many evergreens emit phytoncides which have been shown to have anti-inflammatory properties." 

"Wow!" Mogey exclaimed. "How do the two of you know so much about plants?" 

"It probably comes naturally to us because our maternal grandmother was a cabbage nymph and our father--" Anastasia began.

"AMATEUR BOTANY!" Smush interrupted. "We Smushes are real horticulture freaks. And we had a great section on plants in our public library."

An awkward silence befell the trio then, broken only by the jingling of gnome chains in the breeze.