The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 28

 "What do we do now?" Mogey inquired as the two pals gazed out over the field of dead and dying melons. 

"I'll tell you what we don't do," Smush replied, "we don't ever again try to save sixty-five cents an acre by using rat'n'cabbage fertilizer."

"I know the rat'n'cabbage fertilizer was a bad idea. Given the prevailing westerly winds, the entire community of East Weeble knows it was a bad idea. I don't need you to tell me it was a bad idea. What I'm asking you is what do we do about it?" 

"Well," said Smush, taking a long and stinky breath, "we must do as our forefathers would've done in this situation."

"Rub our foreuncles' big chubby bellies for luck?" Mogey suggested.

"No. Well, yes, but that's not all. The founding fathers of Weeble County would've gathered the entire community together at the top of Scrabbleword Hill, held the first annual Stinkmelon Roll, and then sold clothespins at exorbitant prices." 

"Ah, so that's how we ended up with the world's largest and only Sunburn Festival," Mogey said, rubbing his hands together like the manager of a lotion store just before his first ballet recital. "It's diabolical. You know how the old saying goes: When life gives you stinkmelons, make sure everyone smells those stinky melons." 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 27

 "Mogey," said Smush, excitedly blowing a cloud of ashes from his whiskers, "I do not think it's an exaggeration to say that I've found us the greatest gig in the history of gigs."

Mogey, who knew his pal's history of hairbrained and ill-advised employment, eyed Smush suspiciously. "This better not be as bad as reshingling the latrines at that tuna cannery."

"I thought you liked working at Pupener & Sons! And anyhow, this job blows that one away, at least in an olfactory sense. Here, smell."

Mogey sniffed Smush's proffered sleeve. "Mmm," he said. "Barbeque pitmaster?"

"Not quite," Smush replied. "We'd eat up all the profits."

"Beekeeper?"

"I like where your head is at, but no purveyor of foodstuffs would hire us. In addition to the profits, I think we'd eat up lots of bees besides."

"I give up," said Mogey, finally. "What could this smokey profession be?"

"Just think," Smush answered. "What job has it all? The sweet scent of coal, reliable access to hearth kettles full of porridge, and the distinct possibility of spotting Santa. We're going to be chimneysweeps!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 26

 Mogey used his sleeve to wipe sweat from his brow as he hauled himself over the next branch. He took a deep breath and helped Smush climb up next to him, trying not to let his pal's fingers slip out of his sweat-slicked grip. The way was arduous and fraught with danger, but they had no choice: This was the only way to seek the wisdom of The Sage. 

Twice Mogey nearly fell on the ascent, saved only by quick thinking and the way his muffin top caught on the sappy branches. Smush likewise faltered, but was rescued by a mysterious purple monkey, who introduced himself as Corn Boland, gave Smush a quick peck on the cheek, and disappeared into the forest.

At last the pals reached The Sage's lair, where they were greeted by the sight of a round face, great golden eyes, and a beak sharper than the pincher claw of an Arabian balloon-popper crab.

"Oh wise The Sage," Mogey began, shaking a drop of sweat from the tip of his nose, "we beg your counsel on a matter--"

"Who," hooted The Sage.

"Ah, good point," Smush replied. "I am humble Smush, and this is perspiring Mogey."

"Persevering Mogey, I believe my humble friend means," Mogey said, as more sweat streamed down his damp cheeks. "The Sage, we come seeking your advice on a question with no answer. A riddle only you can solve." He paused and took a deep breath. "Original recipe or extra crispy?" 

In response, The Sage burped mightily and spat out an aged mouse tail. Smush picked up the tail, which crackled between his fingers.

"Extra crispy?" he asked.

"Extra crispy," Mogey confirmed. "The Sage has spoken."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 25

 As Smush entered the final chamber of Das Labyrinth, he encountered an ancient wizard, wrinkly, bent, and balancing a bowl of grapenut ice cream upon his knobbly staff. 

"Congratulations," the wizard croaked, "you have completed the maze and thus earned eternal riches. More gold and jewels than you could ever spend. More sweetened condensed milk than the entire Baking Needs aisle at Publix. And more land than you can cover in a month's ride upon the fastest horse. All of these are now yours."

"Right on," Smush replied.

"But!" the wizard interrupted, his face splitting into a cruel grin. "What good will all these riches do you? For even those few who have found their way to the center of Das Labyrinth have never found their way out." He cackled like a bodybuilder whose jar of Muscleblaster 9000 Pure Animal Protein Powder had arrived two days early.

Now it was Smush's turn to smile. 

"Ha!" he exclaimed. When the wizard didn't respond, he went on. "Ha, I say. Perhaps you did not overhear my 'Ha!' In which case... ha!"

The wizard stared at Smush, befuddled. 

"Ha?" Smush tried once more. "Come now, you ancient coot. Surely our banter requires some give and take? No? Well I care not, for now I will reveal what makes me different from those other champions who made it this far: I marked my path! A string of cooked linguini, a half mile long and intricately knotted will guide me out of the maze."

Now the wizard looked like that same bodybuilder had opened his jar of Muscleblaster 9000 Pure Animal Protein Powder expecting to inhale its intoxicating aroma, only to discover that he'd bought a counterfeit jar of Body By Stinksap instead. 

"Excuse me?" said Mogey, poking his head into Das Labyrinth's final chamber with a heartbreaking length of linguini hanging out of his mouth. "Sorry to interrupt, but does either of you know where I could find some pesto or a good carbonara?"