The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 11

 WELCOME TO "HOME PLATING WITH MOGEY AND SMUSH," THE SHOW ABOUT BASEBALL SNACKS AND BASEBALL ENTREES. AND NOW, YOUR HOSTS WITH THE MOST [RUMBLY TUMBLIES]: MOGEY AND SMUSH!

Smush: Thank you for joining us. Today we'll be talking all things frankfurter: We've got dogs, we've got buns, we've got a vast array of mustards, we've got so many relishes that the chutney police are hot on our tails--

Mogey: Why was he yelling?

Smush: What?

Mogey: The announcer guy. Does he really need to shout like that?

Smush: I'm not--

Mogey: And what's up with the crack about our tumblies? He wasn't supposed to read that part out loud.

Smush: Can we just get back to frankfurters, please? 

Mogey: Fine.

Smush: Now, onto krauts, cheeses, and cheese-adjacent products--

Mogey: It's just... I know my tumbly is rumbly. I don't need anyone shouting about my rumbly tumbly. I can feel it rumbling beneath this admittedly echoey t-shirt.

Smush: You know something, Mogey?

Mogey: Yes?

Smush: You are absolutely right. You hear that, announcer man? Prepare to feel our combined wrath - and the wrath of the chutney police, for that matter - if you utter one more word about our tumblies, rumbly though they may be! I say beware, Mr. Announcer, for the vengeance of a hungry Mogey and Smush is both swift and terrible, and we haven't eaten in at least thirty-five minutes.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF "HOME PLATING WITH MOGEY AND SMUSH." WE'LL SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT WEEK FOR MORE HIGHLY-FOCUSED BASEBALL FOOD TALK.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 10

 At the Stoatburgh Stoat Festival, the premier event was of course the stoat-judging competition. Among other privileges, the year's Top Stoat was allowed, by law, to run amok in every henhouse in the district. 

The second-most important event, however, was the annual Juggle Off. And since they lacked the level of stoatiness required for the stoat-judging contest, it was the Juggle Off that Mogey and Smush entered.

"What's your strategy this year, Moge-ster?" Smush inquired.

"Two words," said Mogey. "Bowling balls."

"That's your strategy every year! And every year you forget until too late that bowling balls are too heavy to juggle."

"Ah, but that's where this year will be different. I've tried using eight-pound balls in the past; this year it'll be 12-pounders only. What's your strategy, anyhow?"

"Oh, I've got a little something up my sleeve." 

Later, as Mogey nursed a bowling ball-squashed foot, Smush's turn at the Juggle Off finally arrived. He mounted the stage, calmly produced a single hard-boiled egg, and tossed it from hand to hand several times before chucking it directly into the mouth of Lil Stoatie Bellingham, that year's Top Stoat and Juggle Off judge.

"The winner!" announced Lil Stoatie with an eggy hiss.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 9

 One bold and zesty afternoon, the pals strode through the village of Little Binky on their semi-annual expedition to procure toe-warmers, dog-wormers, and calf-firmers. As they passed Madame Bucheron's, Smush stopped short.

"Fancy a coffee?" he inquired.

"I don't drink coffee," Mogey replied, "and neither do you. Coffee ice cream? Yes. Coffee ice cream which has been sitting on the coffee table until it - like coffee - has become a beverage? Yes. But anything resembling actual hot bean water I promise you we will both detest."

"Now that's just not so," Smush insisted. He entered Madame Bucheron's, bold as you like, and approached the counter. "One medium Smush Special, please." 

"What's that?" asked the enflanneled axe-wielding barista. 

"A cup of heavy cream with three drops of your finest coffee," Smush announced.

He and Mogey played a spirited game of Guess Which Peanut until the brew was ready, at which point Smush took a proud sip... and promptly sprayed his entire mouthful across Madame Bucheron's window.

"There are at least five-to-six drops of coffee in here!" Smush spluttered. "I require immediate assistance to eliminate this wretched taste from my mouth! Quick, get me two more cups of cream and a cup of half-and-half. I am on a diet, after all."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: Quarantine Episode 8

"Mogey?" Smush inquired after he'd seen his pal enter the kitchen, make a cup of sugar water, and exit for the third time in 15 minutes. "What are you up to?"

"Oh, ehm, nothing," Mogey replied, lying more obviously than a sarcastic genie whose master is leading a double life. "Just getting some refreshment."

"Alright, out with it: What sort of creature have you adopted this time?"

"I didn't adopt him!" Mogey insisted. "I'm just helping him recuperate. I think he might've crashed into one of our windows. I'm not sure what you call his species, but I named him Gnasher."

"Where is he now?" Smush asked.

"I made him a little nest out in the barn. Want to meet him?" 

Mogey led Smush out to the dairy'n'loungin' barn and hauled open the great oaken door. Smush gasped. Wriggling in the hay was a 15-foot tiger shark.

"He might've crashed into one of our windows???" Smush demanded. "We live 250 miles from the ocean!"

"Well you see, Smush," Mogey replied authoritatively, "at certain times of day, the reflection of the glass makes it look like there's a whole other world beyond the window. Poor little guys like this get confused." He gave Gnasher an affectionate scratch just behind his gills.

"Gnash," the shark added.