The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 626

One day - an otherwise peaceful, random day - Smush heaved an exasperated sigh, threw down his pitchfork, and stormed out of the donkey barn. Mogey followed quickly, partially to see what was the matter with his pal, but also because Smush had left the door ajar, and Lord knows what kind of mischief those clever, clever donkeys could get up to if they escaped.

"I've had it!" Smush exclaimed when Mogey found him. "All this business of mucking donkey stalls - I can't do it any longer!"

"Well we could muck the cow stalls for a while if you like...."

"That's not what I mean. I want something bigger, better... I want to be a scientist!"

"What sort of scientist?" Mogey queried.

"You know, one of those scientists who spends all day witnessing and authenticating the execution of contracts, preparing documents, taking affidavits, and using a heck of a lot of rubber stamps," Smush said. Mogey stared at him blankly. "Is that not what a scientist does?"

"No...."

"What's that person called, then?" Smush asked.

"A notary?" Mogey replied. "I think?"

"That's the one," Smush murmured dreamily, "and one of these days, I will be a notary!" 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 625

"Friends, neighbors, archnemeses," Mogey addressed the assembly, "I come before you today, not as a Mogey, but as someone even more awesome. A 'Super-Mogey,' if you will. And as a Super-Mogey, I feel there is a matter upon which I must impart some wisdom. Consider the poppyseed bagel: Why is it so adorned with the seeds of the poppy? One might say decoration is their purpose, but in truth they make the bagel appear to have a rampant case of tiny, gray measles. Taste, then? Nay, the poppyseeds have no taste, unless of course it is the bitter taste of shame upon extracting a seed from one's teeth several hours after bagel consumption. The seeds cannot be for gripping purposes either, as they fly off the bagel with an almost explosive vigor as soon as it is--"

Here Mogey's speech came to a grinding halt as a chorus of boos and jeers rained down upon him.

"Booo!" shouted one particularly incensed young man. "BOOO! This 'Super-Mogey' has been talking so long, and so pointlessly, that my hot shrimp got cold and my cold shrimp became room temperature. Get him off the stage! And someone bring me some more shrimp!"

"I told you," Smush muttered as he pulled his bewildered pal away from the crowd, "that it was not necessary, nor even slightly appropriate, for you to make a speech at this wedding just because they hired us to wash the dishes."