The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 617

"Oy! What are you two doing over there?" Mogey shouted, bursting out of the house and traversing the front yard at a speed so fast it could nearly be deemed a waddle.

A pair of lovely young ladies had knelt down by Mogey and Smush's duck pond were petting their pet mallard, Bonkis.

"We just stopped to admire your duck," one of the girls replied. "I hope that's alright."

"No miss, I'm afraid it isn't," Mogey said, readjusting his bathrobe. "There's been a ducknapper in the area, and I'd prefer it if you lassies would move along."

"What are you doing, Mogey?" Smush exclaimed. He had arrived on the scene just as the ladies were departing. "They were beautiful! We should have offered them a cup of tea or a slice of liver pie."

"Do you understand what a ducknapper is, Smush? Do you?" Mogey demanded. "It's someone who kidnaps ducks. Well that's not happening on my watch. Not to Bonkis, nor his wife Pleidies, nor his ducklings Knuckle, Chuckle, and Vlad. No sir."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 616

"I'm just so nervous," Smush muttered, pacing back and forth in front of the drugstore. "I can't take it!"

"Deep breaths, Smush," Mogey said. "Deep breaths."

"But what if she says no? Ursula Enchilada is the prettiest gal in town! How can a guy like me approach such a rotund beauty?"

"Smush, let me tell you a dirty little secret about talking to girls that you won't hear in the movies: Talking to them is easy; the only hard part is convincing yourself to take a risk."

"Hmm," Smush replied pensively. "You heard that line in a movie, didn't you?"

"Mmyes," Mogey admitted, bowing his head in shame. "But that doesn't make it any less valid. It's just one of the many valuable lessons one might learn from Killerman Killington IV: Stank Pizza."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 615

"Lines, lines, lines, LINES!" Smush exclaimed. "I'm fed up with their tyranny!"

"What's that, Smush?" Mogey queried.

"I'm trying to complete the income tax return for our farm, and I loathe all these lined pages. Why can't I write where I please? A letter here, a letter there, curlycues and whirlaroos, up, down, and all around." 

"Well I suppose you could, but then nobody would be able to read it."

"Who cares?" Smush replied. "It's all nonsense anyway. I just make it up as I go along."

"I see," Mogey said. "You say it's our tax return you're working on?"

"Yup."

"We're going to jail, aren't we?"

"We sure are."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush Volume 614

One morning, Mogey and Smush were scaling the vines of ivy that adorned the outer walls of Lumper's Lumber Mill, feeling carefree and happy as two Norwegians at a well-air-conditioned square dance. The ivy was so easy to climb that the two pals didn't realize just how high they'd gotten until Smush looked down.

"Holy moly, Mogey," he announced. "We should get out of here!"

"We'll be ok," Mogey insisted. "The ivy will keep us safe."

"What in the world are you talking about?" Smush exclaimed.

"He's right, Smush," a large ivy leaf suddenly replied, in a voice as deep and rich as a velvet cup full of egg nog. "I won't let you fall."

The sight of a talking ivy leaf surprised Smush so greatly that he lost his footing and plummeted earthward, narrowly avoiding his doom by landing a rain barrel. He erupted out of the water, unhurt but yelling hither and yon about scheming vines.

"Nice one, ivy," Mogey said, chuckling as he gave the talking plant some dap.