The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 35

Mogey and Smush were striding down the dusty track outside of town when an elevator car made of pure fire emerged from the ground itself. 

"What kind of shenanigans are these now?" Mogey said, rolling his eyes.

"If it's not one thing, it's another," Smush commiserated.

The elevator's doors slid open, revealing a tall, slender man wearing a black cloak and a billy goat-style beard.

"I am The Pyromancer," he announced. "Lord of the burn." 

"Uh huh," Mogey answered, picking a bit of floating ash off of his ham sangwich. "And what's your name?"

"Some call me El Diablo de Fuego," The Pyromancer replied.

"But what does your mother call you?" Smush asked. 

"Usually she just calls me her 'wittle chubbins.' But occasionally she uses my given name."

"Which is?" Mogey prodded.

"Ryan," said the Pyromancer. 

"Well, Ryan," Smush said, "we really must be going. So you may as well get on with whatever burning you need to do."

"Really?" said Ryan, enthusiastically. "I mean--yes! No one passes The Pyromancer without receiving a serious burn!" 

He approached the pals majestically, drawing his hand into the depths of his cloak. But just as he reached them, he stopped short.

"Wait a moment," he said to Mogey. "It seems you've got a little something on your tunic." 

He pointed helpfully, and when Mogey looked down, Ryan The Pyromancer booped his nose.  

"BURN!" Ryan exclaimed, cackling. He jogged around the pals several times, jigging in a manner that belied his elegant cloak, but was frankly quite in line with his billy goat beard. "You just got burned! Another classic red hot burn from The Pyromancer!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 34

Mogey and Smush's breakfast table was bedecked with such a bounty of sausages, bacons, cakes (pan and otherwise), and melon slices, that no one person could reach all the deliciousness from his seat. 

"Mogey?" Smush said around a mouthful of raisin bun. "Could you pass the waffles?"

"Belgian or German?" Mogey inquired. 

"Chocolate chip," Smush replied. "They're behind the ebelskivers. You might have to lunge for 'em." 

Mogey reached under the table and pulled out a Toiletmaster 3000, which he suctioned to the side of the waffle platter and dragged in front of his friend. 

"There you are," Mogey said.

"What in the world are you doing?" Smush demanded, staring at the plunger in his pal's hand.

"Didn't you say I might need to plunge for 'em?"

"I said lunge. Lunge! Not plunge. Did you at least use the table plunger?" 

Mogey checked the handle. "Yep," he confirmed. "We remembered to label it this time. 'For kitchen use. Emergency exceptions only.'"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 33

Mogey and Smush strode into the Second National Bank of Swine, a fine old building with marble columns and a nacho cheese fountain in the lobby.

"Y'know..." Mogey muttered under his breath. "If someone were to rob this place, they could make a mint." 

"A mint, you say?" Smush replied, raising his eyebrows. 

"A mint," Mogey confirmed. 

"I'll create a distraction," Smush said. "You take 'em for all they're worth!"

Twenty-one minutes later, the pals met in the alley behind the Second National Bank of Swine. Smush still held the pitcher that he'd filled to the brim at the nacho cheese fountain - and consumed - thrice in the intervening time, to the shock and adoration of every person in the bank. Mogey had in his possession a giant burlap sack with dollar signs on the side. 

"Let's see the take!" Smush said with an excited burp.

Mogey uncinched the bag to reveal a massive pile of cash and gold bars. Smush peeked inside, but his face fell.

"What's wrong?" Mogey asked. 

"It's just..." Smush began, "when you said mint, I thought..."

"You thought I meant something a little more like THIS?" Mogey exclaimed, grinning hugely as he whipped out a second burlap sack. He opened it and dumped out at least three gross of candy canes onto the pavement.

"I knew you'd come through!" Smush shouted. The pals eached grabbed a fistful of candy canes and jumped up and down with glee. The Second National Bank of Swine had fallen. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 32

As Mogey and Smush entered the local honky-tonk (which was called The Donkey Honk), they immediately noticed a new band was playing on the sawdust-strewn stage. 

"Where's Bleak Pete?" Mogey demanded of the barkeep.

"And where's his Sadly-Go-Glumly Band?" Smush added.

"Disneyland," said the bartender. "The whole gang of 'em go every year. Supposedly they just ride It's a Small World over and over. But The Baked Beanz are good. You should check 'em out!"

Check 'em out, the pals did, and they quickly realized the barman was correct. With vocals nearly as smooth as Willie Nelson and a laid-back attitude similar to Willie Nelson, plus the melodic musings of Willie Nelson, they reminded Mogey of a country music superstar of yesteryear, though he couldn't put his finger on which one. 

"You guys sound great," he said, approaching the stage after The Baked Beanz concluded a set.

"Do you play?" asked the lead singer, Nillie Welson. 

"Of... of course," Mogey replied. 

"Come join us for a song!" offered the lead guitarist, Nell's son, Willie. "Want to take over the six string?"

"I couldn't possibly," Mogey demurred. "I've no idea how you put that wonderful twang into your strumming."

"Banjo then?" suggested Sonnell E. Will, the banjoist.

"The centerpiece of twang in every one of your songs? That's too much pressure!"

"How about the drums?" asked Nellie Willson, drummer extraordinaire. 

"You know what I loved - and could never duplicate - about your drumming?" Mogey said. "The twang."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 31

Mogey and Smush sat at the breakfast table one morning, their minds on their bowls, when the floor beneath them began to tremble. 

"What was that?" Smush yelped. 

"Don't tell me you're becoming one of those 'quakers?'" Mogey replied.

"Is that some sort of derogatory term for people who imagine they're feeling earthquakes?"

"No, ye goose! Everyone knows those are called 'tremor-chondriacs.'"

"Then are you suggesting I've changed religions?" Smush asked.

"I am not," said Mogey. He glanced meaningfully at Smush's bowl.

"Don't tell me..." Smush declared. "Oatmeal?? You dare ask if I'm supping on oatmeal this morn? How can you even suggest such a thing? You know very well my ancestors were displaced by oat barons!"

"I just thought..."

"Next time your thoughts drift to me consuming the foodstuffs of that white-haired, scarf-wearing villain, you keep them to yourself! Or mark my words, there will be fisticuffs! In this household, it's cream of wheat or nothing."

"Alright!" said Mogey. "Sheesh."

"Thanks for taking accountability," Smush said, visibly cheering. "Say, what was it that shook the floor just now, anyway? Was it a real earthquake?"

"Naw," Mogey answered. "That'll be Jombous Todd. He said he might need to use a bit of dynamite to break loose a stubborn boulder." 

"A 'bit' of dynamite?"

"His words, not mine. Sure will be nice, though, when he finishes that tunnel and our cellar has a weatherproof connection to the pastramerie."

Just then, the cellar door creaked open, revealing a dust-caked moleman who peered down his spectacles at the pals.  

"Sorry 'bout the noise, lads," Jombous Todd announced. "Hope I di'int wake youse. Turned out I actually needed three bits o' dynamite."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 30

Mogey and Smush descended the grand staircase at Casino Vulgaire, dressed to the nines (as in the #9 cheeseburger combo meal) and looking like snacks (as in a king size bag of nacho cheesier doritos).

"What's your game this evening?" Smush inquired, his manner as sophisticated as a cartoon owl.

"Funny you should ask," Mogey replied. "I've been crunching the numbers, and I believe there's one table at Casino Vulgaire where the odds are not in the house's favor."

"How delightfully economic," said Smush. "Is it blackjack? Craps? Roulette?"

"Guess again, Smushy." 

"Don't tell me..."

"That's right," Mogey proclaimed, "once again it's Go Fish where we'll take this gambling den for all it's worth." 

"I keep telling you that they don't play for money at the Go Fish table," Smush grumbled. "It's just there to keep kids occupied!"

"And THAT," Mogey stated, "is why they'll never see us coming."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 29

"My, you're moving about industriously this morrow," Smush observed of his pal one impossibly ordinary morning.

"No time to waste!" Mogey agreed. "I've got to get going on my new year's resolution."

"It is quite literally July," Smush rejoined. 

"Precisely. My new year's resolution was to learn a martial art by 'late summer.' Now step aside, sir! Mistress Bunly Gumm of the Red Roof Dojo will be here any minute." 

At that moment, the door knocker knockered and Mogey rushed to the vestibule. When he peered outside, however, no one was there.

"Well that was peculiar," he said, returning to the kitchen. "I--"

"Ha HA!" interrupted a flop-eared, gi-clad, four-foot tall rabbit as she leapt down from atop the cupboard. "Lesson number one: always expect the bun-expected!"

Mogey was so startled he fell backward, but Smush did not so much as flinch. "Let me guess: Bunly Gumm?" he said.

"Mistress Bunly Gumm," said the rabbit with a bow. "Of the Red Roof Dojo." 

"Isn't that the karate center operating out of a motel over by the airport?" Smush asked.

"Indeed our sacred and most ancient dojo does take its name from the redness of our landlord's roof," said Bunly Gumm. "And indeed I'm required under contract to state that our landlord has additional rooms to let, steps away from the Eisenhower Terminal and starting at just $49.99 per night."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 28

Miner Inconvenience was the best place to get supper and a stiff drink in the hill town of Scrabblington (not to be confused with the scrabble town of Hillington). Just because an establishment is the best, however, doesn't mean it's any good. Such was the case with Miner Inconvenience. The food was so-so, the service was cantankerous, and the atmosphere could best be described as dusty. Furthermore, the restaurant was located high up in a tree, hence its name. But the only other option in town was called Billy Acres' Bellyachers and had but one item on its menu: "Billy Acres' World-Famous Lard Pie."

Mogey entered Miner Inconvenience one sweaty evening and joined Smush at the bar. The pals stood out from the crowd in that they were just as disheveled as the rest of the patrons, but their brand of filth was more along the lines of barbecue sauce stains than hard-won rock dust.

"Welp Smush," Mogey declared, "I really hit the mother lode today." A hush fell over Miner Inconvenience.

"Gold? Smush exclaimed. "Platinum?"

"Emeralds."

"Congratulations! Did you get 'em all?"

"Every last speck," said Mogey.

"Where were they?" Smush asked.

"You know how at the bottom of cherry italian ice, you'll sometimes find those ruby red morsels of crystalized syrup? I found something similar, but at the bottom of a lime italian ice!"

The faces on the patrons of Miner Inconvenience ranged from disappointment to downright fury. A number of hands drifted towards hatchets and machetes hanging from belt loops. But the pals remained oblivious to the other miners' enmity.

"You lucky dog!" Smush cried. "Your hard work eating so many gem-less italian ices really paid off this time."

"Yep," said Mogey, rubbing his belly with a satisfied smile, "twas a good day in the mines."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 27

"What are your plans for the summer, Mogey?" Smush queried as the pals sat upon their favorite park bench (the one right near the frost heave where you could see passersby trip in most spectacular fashion). 

"Two words," Mogey replied. "Island living."

"Great idea!" said Smush. "Tell me about the top candidates. Aruba? Jamaica?"

"Nope and nope."

"Bermuda?" 

"Certainly not."

"Bahama?"

"No," Mogey answered. "Also pretty sure that's not a singular noun."

"What about Key Largo?" Smush asked.

"Let me stop you right there, Smushy. I am most definitely not considering Kokomo as a summer destination." 

"Well then," Smush grumbled, looking rather put out, "what destinations are you considering?" 

"Bungle Point," Mogey replied. 

"Bungle Point? Out behind the dump??"

"Personally I see adjacency to the dump as a huge perk. And more importantly, Bungle Point is home to The Humble Bungle Jungle Buffet."

"You mean that old diner?"

"That's right, Mogey insisted. "Have you had the H.B.J.B.'s breakfast? It's insane!"

"I'm sure it is," Smush said slyly. "But I've got some bad news for you, Mogey. Bungle Point isn't an island. It's an isthmus."

"An isthmus, you say?" 

"According to the top cartographers in the business."

"Hmm," Mogey considered. "In that case I have two new words." 

"Isthmus living?"

"Isthmus. Living."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 26

"Smush! Smush!" Mogey shouted, tugging at the shoulder of his pal's bathing costume. "Behold yonder grey beast struggling in the surf. Is he in need of our assistance?"

"Why are you talking like that, ya lobster pot?" Smush replied. 

"I'm a concerned citizen!" Mogey said.

"You are neither of those things," Smush disagreed. "And that's not just any grey beast out in the waves. It's Ryan O'Cyrus, the brine-o rhino!" 

"Brine-o?"

"That's correct. No rhino loves the salt spray more than he. Alright, Ryan?" Smush called to the pachyderm. 

It was at this moment that the largest wave of the day broke violently, sending O'Cyrus's massive bulk tumbling head over hoof. The rhino emerged spluttering, a striped bass skewered on his horn.

"I'm better than alright, mate!" Ryan O'Cyrus replied, popping the striped bass from his horn into his mouth and closing his eyes in ecstasy. "I'm blasted brilliant!" 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 25

A stall at the farmers market called Rhino's Fried Doughs sold elephant ears so delightful that they often ran out before noon. To ensure fairness, the proprietor, Chip O'potamus, instituted a limit of two elephant ears per customer. 

Which is how Mogey and Smush found themselves at a vegetable stand, searching for disguises that would allow them to purchase their third and fourth elephant ear apiece. 

"Care to try a demon's digit?" asked a farmer as he dangled a bright red pepper in front of the pals.

"No, thank you," Smush replied at the same time as Mogey said "don't mind if I do!"

"Are you mad?" Smush demanded. "You know you haven't the constitution for spice!"

"I can handle it," said Mogey.

"But--"

"Smush!" Mogey interrupted, cupping the back of his pal's head and looking him in the eye. "I. Can. Handle it. One demon's digit, please, shopkeep."

What followed after Mogey chomped down on the pepper was the most extreme display of crying, howling, and drooling the farmers market had seen since the poorly named "All You Can Eat Baby Festival" of '86. (No babies were eaten on that day, thankfully, but the village learned the hard way that demon's digits have no place at an infants' buffet.)

"Ab I going to live?" Mogey choked out once his tears started to subside.

"Well, my friend, I've got some good news and some bad news," Smush said. "The bad news is that we need to get you to the hospital. The good news is that we can stop for elephant ears on the way, because there's no way Chip O'potamus is going to recognize you."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 24

"This heat is something else!" Mogey groaned, mopping his brow. 

"Sweltering," Smush agreed.

"Boiling." 

"Scorching."

"Like granddad's armchair after granddad fell asleep watching Turner Classic Movies on a summer afternoon?" suggested a diminutive top hat-clad man who - like Mogey and Smush - was dangling his feet in the stream. "And then grandad got up to refill his iced tea and you snuck into his seat?"

"Who're you?" Smush inquired.

"The name's Jim Simile," the little man said, sweeping the top hat from his head. "At your service." 

"And what might that service be?" Mogey asked.

"Let's just say," Jim Simile replied with a smirk, "that I'm as good at figurative language as granddad's armchair is at helping grandpa nap on a summer afternoon. You need an allegory? A metaphor? An analogy? I'm your guy."

"And if we need none of those things?" Smush inquired.

"Welp," Jim Simile said, "in that case, I'm about as useful as granddad's armchair during granddad's annual company retreat to Lake Hucklebuck. Good day to you, gentlemen." 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 23

Mogey and Smush were members of a fraternal order known as The Most Marvelous and Scrumptious Brotherhood of Potatoes & Burlap, or the "Tater Bags" for short. The Tater Bags pursued some nominal charitable endeavors, but for the most part, it was an excuse for guys to hang around the lodge like a bunch of tater bags. 

"Say, is it getting a bit chilly in here?" Mogey asked the collective of gentlemen occupying the Tater Bags Rumpus Room on one such occasion. 

"I'll bet you the furnace is out again," Smush replied. "Go and check it, would you, Moge-man?"

"Why can't you do it?" Mogey asked. 

"Can't you see that I'm in the midst of an enthralling game of euchre with Gil, Phil, and Bill Millpill? The Millpill 'triple thrill,' if you will?" 

"Yes, yes, hello Millpills," Mogey grumbled. "Guess I'll go check the cellar. But I'm not happy about it!" 

He trudged down the basement stairs, and immediately confirmed that Smush was correct. Rather than shoveling coal into the fireplace as they paid him handsomely to do, Fern Gnass was lying on his cot in the corner, sound asleep, with a prodigious array of honey mustard pretzel crumbs scattered about his chin and chest.

"Fern, wake up!" Mogey attempted to rouse the caretaker, but aside from a loud snore, he did not stir. With renewed grumbling, Mogey took Fern's shovel and transferred several loads of coal into the fireplace, which was soon crackling merrily once more.

As he shoveled, Mogey wondered what to do about Fern Gnass. The caretaker did far more napping than shoveling, these days, but, Mogey concluded after a while, there wasn't much they could do about it. After all, Fern was the grandson of the social club's founder, Potato "Tater" Gnass, and in all honesty, his laziness was a credit to the Tater Bags' core ideology. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 22

The return trek from Mallow Marsh - where Mogey and Smush spent a mosquitoey week each year visiting their old acquaintance Toadly Bones - was a long one, and so the pals stopped into a roadside tavern for some refreshment.

"What'll it be?" queried the bored-looking waiter.

"Can you tell me about your beverage selection?" Mogey asked.

"We have mead, grog, and Mountain Dew Code Red." 

"Hmm," appraised Smush, "do any of them come in a jug?" 

"They are all available in any size vessel you can comprehend," said the waiter. "And I must say the barkeep pulls an excellent pint of Mountain Dew Code Red." 

"Might I sample it?" Mogey asked. 

"You know what it tastes like," the waiter replied, shaking his head. 

"You know what?" Mogey said. "You're right. You're darn right! Let's go with a jug of the grog, and a bucket of the Mountain Dew Code Red."

"I'll have the same," Smush added. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 21

"Smush! Smush!" Mogey chortled. "Tell Bahbara that hilarious one-liner you told me the other day."

Smush looked into the expectant eyes of his best pal and one of the most educated sheep in town. "One... liner?" he asked.

"You remember," Mogey encouraged him. "The thing that made me laugh so hard grape soda shot out of my nose?"

"BAH?" Bahbara inquired.

"Yes, Bahbara, it really came out of my nose," Mogey insisted. "Honest!"

"Horrifying scene," Smush confirmed.

"But the one-liner was simply that funny," Mogey said.

"BAH!" Bahbara rejoined.

"Ha! Good one, Bahbara," Mogey chuckled. "But listen to Smush's!"

"Um," said Smush, "there... once was a man from Caroliner / Who was known far and wide as a whiner / But he didn't complain / He popped some champagne / When he crossed the sea on a one-liner." 

"What?" said Mogey.

"BAH!" said Bahbara.

"I have to be honest, Mogey," Smush said. "I haven't any clue what a 'one-liner' is."

"You haven't?"

"No. And I can't recall what I said that made grape soda shoot out your nose."

"You can't?" said Mogey. Smush shook his head. "And your solution was... to make up a poem - an admittedly excellent poem - on the spot?"

"Yes?" said Smush.

"A poem that could not possibly have made grape soda shoot out of my nose the other day... because once again you made it up on the spot?"

"Mmyes..." 

"A poem that by definition contains five lines, rather than one?" 

"Gurg," Smush grunted, at this point too embarrassed to form words.

"Just checking," Mogey replied, seeming satisfied. "C'mon Bahbara, let's go get some funnel cake." 

"BAH!" said Bahbara. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 20

Mogey and Smush ran a mouse food shop. It was the only mouse food shop in town, so they had few competitors except for that old antagonist of mouse food purveyors everywhere: crumbs. 

Mogey had inherited the shop from his great uncle Spy C. Brown. Unc Brown had found great success in the mustard industry later in life, but it was only his first business venture, the mouse food shop, that he'd bestowed upon his great nephew. Over the years, Smush had attempted to convince his pal to expand the shop's offerings, at the very least to include other rodent foods, but Unc Brown had made his wishes very clear. 

"Today's the day, Moge-man," Smush said, ting-a-linging the shop's bell as he entered. "You promised me that if we didn't see a customer for 30 straight days, we could finally sell this shop and use the proceeds for those balloon-tying courses we've been wanting to take."

"Gosh, I hope someone comes in today," Mogey groaned.

"Why? Don't you want to be rid of this albatross around your neck once and for all?"

"Albatross? The island prison?" 

"No, Mogey, it's an idi--"

"I suppose it does sometimes feel like the shop is surrounded by shark-infested waters," Mogey said thoughtfully. "If by sharks you mean crumbs."

"Forget the albatross! I just meant--"

"And I even look at myself as a bit of a birdman from time to time," Mogey stated. "Although instead of raising birds, I'm producing foods for mice that are both tasty and nutritious UNLIKE crumbs. Those darn free crumbs."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 19

Mogey and Smush's race around the world against their archrival pals - Benny and Fergus - was not going well. 

"I think we might've gotten on the wrong train again," Mogey whispered. 

"What makes you say that?" Smush asked.

"What I thought was the caboose turns out to be the engine. We're going the wrong direction entirely!"

"You thought that big steaming iron machine was the caboose?"

"It's been a long eight months," Mogey replied. "And we can't be more than a quarter of the way around the world yet. Here: ask the steward where we're going, would you?" 

"Pardon me," Smush inquired of the dapperly-uniformed young man. "What's your name?"

"Stuart."

"Right - I know you're a steward, but what's your name?" 

"Stuart is my name. Stuart the steward."

"Steward?" Smush asked quizzically.

"Stuart."

"Stuart?" Mogey ventured.

"The steward, yes," the young man answered. "What can I do for you?"

"What is this train's final destination?" Smush asked.

"Ankara."

"See, Mogey? Maybe it's not so bad - we'll end up in Anchor-something. We've been talking for weeks about shifting this journey from land to sea, and surely this Anchorville is right upon the ocean."

Mogey nodded vigorously at this, but Stuart the steward interjected.

"Hate to be the bearer of bad news," he said. "But Ankara is the capital of Turkey. It's many miles from the sea."

Both Mogey and Smush's ears perked up at the mention of Turkey.

"Turkey, you say?" Mogey exclaimed. "That's even better than a port city. We've been talking for weeks about how a good club sangwich might turn this whole race around for us, and surely anyplace called Turkey is packed to the gills with club sangwiches!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 18

"Smush! Smush! You'll never believe it!" Mogey exclaimed, bursting into his pal's study.

"Mmyes?" Smush replied, peering over the tops of his spectacles. 

Mogey's breathlessness caught up to him - he held up a hand in a plea for time. Smush waited for his doubled-over pal to recover. A minute passed. Two. Smush returned to his book. He read one paragraph. Two.

"Someone... finally... wants to see it!" Mogey gasped at last. 

"See wha-- YOU MEAN THE BALL?" Smush leapt from his chair. His spectacles collided with a taxidermied alligator and shattered into hundreds of pieces, but he paid them no mind. "We have a paying customer for the World's Largest Gumball?" 

Mogey and Smush led the impatient family of tourists - who had been waiting, as you may recall, for at least two minutes plus two paragraphs - out to the barn. With obvious pride, Smush yanked on the curtain pull to reveal their roadside attraction to its first ever visitors.

"What's wrong?" Mogey asked, seeing the obvious dismay on the faces of their guests.

"Um," began the tourist dad uncertainly, "when we saw your billboards we were imagining something a bit less... chewed-on."

"Well you've got to chew the gum or it won't stick together, see?" Smush demonstrated by spitting out the slice of gum he was chewing and adding it to the thousands of other little wads that made up the beach ball-sized sphere.

"But a gumball is its own thing," declared the tourist mom. "You know, like from one of those big gumball machines. It's not a ball of used pieces of gum." 

"This is better than anything you'd find in an old gumball machine," Mogey assured her. "Tell you what: how'd you like to add your very own pieces of gum? You can be part of history! Fruit Stripe or Hubba Bubba?"

The tourist children looked intrigued, but the tourist dad held them back. "I'm not sure..." he began. 

"Oh you've got to add some gum to the ball!" Smush entreated. "Then we'll do commemorative photos. And you really must stop by our gift shop."

One look at the gift shop's World's Largest Gumball earrings, whose packaging proclaimed Made With Genuine Pre-masticated Gum, was enough for the tourist parents to grab their tourist children by the elbows and hustle out of that barn faster than a baby's foot finds the inside of a dirty diaper. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 17

On the first truly warm day of spring, Smush flung open the back door and galavanted into the donkey pasture. 

"Cooooool greeeeeen grassssssss!" he bellowed ecstatically.

"Wassat?" Mogey asked blearily as he sauntered up from the donkey barn. He'd taken to sleeping out in the hayloft ever since he learned that the three largest donkeys - Hunkins, Mack, and The Dribble - snored in harmony. 

"Cooooool greeeeeen grassssssss," Smush repeated, miming a snow angel in the field.

"Yeah, yeah, so it's spring," Mogey grumbled. "What of it?" 

"Cooooool greeeeeen grassssssss!"

"Hmmm," murmured Mogey, concocting a most devilish idea. "What does Smush want for dessert?" 

"Hotttttttt fudggggge sundaeeeeeee," Smush called back. 

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2026 Edition - Episode 16

"Lock the door, ye madman!" Smush shouted when Mogey returned home. "Don't you know who's on the loose?"

"On the loose?" asked Mogey. "I want to say 'the moose,' but I can tell from your tone that wouldn't be correct. Instead I will guess 'the goose.'"

"He's no goose," said Smush, "and he's certainly no moose. In fact it's Sweepens Rex." 

"The famed prowler? How did he escape from Slippery Greg's House for 'Rehabilitation' of the Criminally Insane?" 

"No one knows. Although I suspect Slippery Greg isn't completely aboveboard. I've always wondered why his billboard out on Route 3 has 'Rehabilitation' in quotation marks."

"Be reasonable, Smush," Mogey replied. "If we can't trust a man who puts his own name - Slippery Greg - on his business, who can we tr--" 

"Shhh!" Smush urged. "What is that... sweeping sound?"

The pals peeked out the window to observe a hooded figure on their front stoop. He had two brooms in each hand and another broom strapped to each of his legs. (Six brooms in all.) He appeared to be waltzing around and the around the stoop, sweeping as he went. 

"It's him," Mogey breathed. "Quick - let's escape out the back!" 

The pals ran - well, waddled quickly - to their rear entryway and stole outside. As they were about to descend the porch steps, Mogey froze.

"What is it?" Smush asked.

"The porch - it's clean. Intensely clean. Free of chicken bones, even. And I had chicken wings last Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I think Sweepens Rex has already been out here!" 

"So he just... swept our back porch and moved on to the front?" Smush suggested. "Could it be that Sweepens Rex is simply misunderstood? Perhaps he just wants to rid the world of garbage."

"How dare you suggest that my chicken bones are garbage? There was still a decent amount of meat on those bad boys! I struggle to imagine what a prowler could do that would possibly, in any universe be worse than throwing stuff away that doesn't belong to him."