Mogey and Smush - along with virtually every other resident of Dusty Bend - stood gathered around the steps of town hall. They had come to hear the words of Travelin' Mike, the famed cure-all salesman. Mike was a known fraud, but boy was he fun to listen to.
"Come one, come all" exclaimed Travelin' Mike, his long and lustrous mullet sparkling in the sunshine. "Ready yourselves for astonishment and flabbergasteration as I tell you about this miracle of modern medicine: chewable leeches!"
"Tell us more, Travelin' Mike!" Mogey shouted.
"Yes sir, it's everything you love about leeches, now in a chewable form. Cures everything from skin rashes and tummy troubles to toothaches and baldness. Give yourself the gift of youth and vitality you never dreamed of when you were young and vital: Find your soulmate! Get a promotion! Win a greasy pole climbing competition!"
"What else, Travelin' Mike?" asked "Dusty" Ben Mayer, the Mayor of Dusty Bend (and yes, the similarity of his name to that of his station had been a central tenet of his mayoral campaign).
"Well, Mr. Mayor," Travelin' Mike replied uncertainly, "that's about all there is to say about chewable leeches."
"Sell us something else!" a lady in the crowd requested.
"Say," Travelin' Mike murmured as realization dawned, "isn't anyone here going to actually buy anything?"
"Do you sell lessons in public speaking?" Smush queried. "I'd buy a yearlong subscription."
"No, no, no," Travelin' Mike grumped. "I can't share my sales secrets, and I knew there was a reason I hadn't been through here in a while. You Dusty Bendites clearly aren't sophisticated enough for chewable leeches."
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