"It's tonight," said Mogey, simply.
"You think I don't know that?" Smush demanded. "You think I haven't thought about that every doggone day for the past year?"
"Sheesh," Mogey replied. "It's just a party."
"Just. A. PARTY?" Smush exclaimed. "Any more commentary like that and I will be forced to Brat Ratly along as my guest instead of you."
"You're bluffing," Mogey said. "The Baroness von Snapback would never allow vermin into her annual Hat Jamboree."
"Hey!" squeaked Brat Ratly, who - to no one's surprise - had been eavesdropping.
"Fair enough," Smush admitted as he watched Brat Ratly scurry sulkily away. "Now, on to business. What hats are we going to wear?"
"I was thinking about this little number," Mogey said as he slapped a visor atop his gourd.
"Don't make me call Ratly back in here. A visor is the very antithesis of a hat. A hat with the hat part removed, if you will."
"Well what are you going to wear then, Mr. Smartson Hat-Pants Man?"
"I'm glad you asked," Smush rejoined, opening a large, round box. "I am currently in possession of - wait for it - an antique pork pie. Its provenance is not well-documented, but there is some speculation that the sheen on the sweatband came from the bald dome of none other than Count Dracula himself."
Mogey took a moment to collect his thoughts before responding. "In the first place, Count Dracula was not bald, he was famously hirsute. In the second place, the pork pie hat was invented centuries after Count Dracula lived. And in the third place, the only person who would look sillier in a pork pie hat than Count Dracula is, in fact, you."
The cackles of Brat Ratly could be clearly heard emanating from inside the living room wall.
"Those are some good points," said Smush. "Unrelated question: Do you have a second visor I could borrow?"
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