One day, Mogey and Smush decided to settle it once and for all: Which one of them could hold his breath the longest? The debate over which of them had the more legendary lung capacity had been so hotly contested over the years that it had resulted in two eye gougings, seven permanently scarring Indian sunburns, and, memorably, a night spent in jail on charges of inciting a one-man riot.
The referee for the epic breath-holding contest was Mogey's and Smush's mutual friend Tortoise Richard, and he started it in the usual way (by slapping his tail against the back of his shell). What followed were thirty of the quietest seconds of Mogey's and Smush's lifetimes.
"Hold it!" Mogey burst out suddenly, less than a minute in. "He's cheating, ref! He's not holding his breath at all, he's just puffing his cheeks out!"
"That's a lie!" Smush retorted. "And anyway, you've been cheating too. I've seen you sneak at least three sips of slurpee over the course of this contest."
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"It's a physical impossibility to hold you breath and drink a slurpee at the same time. Even the most childish child knows that."
"We'll have to get a judges ruling on this," Mogey said. "Tortoise Richard? Hey, where'd he go?"
But Tortoise Richard couldn't hear Mogey, for he had discovered a pail of cabbages outside a nearby Burger King that required his immediate attention.
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