The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 35

 Mogey and Smush strode the farmers market, fighting their way through such unappealing foodstuffs as vine-ripened tomatoes, sun-kissed local strawberries, and lettuces of every shape, color, and disgusting taste. They were on the hunt for the hidden gems that every farmers market contains if you know where to look: your deep-fried candy bars, your energy drink giveaways, your beef-, duck-, and venison-jerky purveyors.

Suddenly the pals stopped short, gasping in unison. They stared at the man sitting beneath the pop tent before them.

"Do you know who that is?" Smush whispered.

"You bet I do," Mogey replied. "That's Dr. Spice, the world's greatest architect of dusts for chips, crackers, and crisps."

"The first man who combined sour cream and onion."

"In dust form."

"The Baron of BBQ."

"The Padre of Powdered Cheez." 

The pals breathlessly rushed up to Dr. Spice's tent and fell to their knees. "Dr. Spice! Dr. Spice!" they shouted.

"Please," said the man, completely unsurprised by their behavior, "call me Spice."

"Ok, Spice!" Mogey exclaimed. "Would you--"

"Ahem, that's Doctor Spice," interrupted that master of flavor dust.

"Erm, of course," Mogey stuttered. "Dr. Spice, would you share your secrets with us? We'll do anything! We'll become your apprentices. We'll work for free. Just teach us the magic of your flavors!"

"Anything?" asked Dr. Spice.

"Anything," Smush confirmed.

"Well then, all you need to do is pay forty-- ahem-- fifty-nine ninety-nine for my book." Dr. Spice held up a hefty volume entitled Flavour Dust in the Wind. "It literally has all the recipes in it."

"We'd have to... read?" Mogey asked uncertainly.

"Are you sure we can't just be your unpaid apprentices?" Smush added.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 34

 "Boy are we lucky," gushed Smush as he held the door open for his pal.

"Why's that?" Mogey replied. "Oh, right - because Waffles Incorporated offered to send me on an all expenses-paid trip after I fell into that vat of batter on the factory tour?" 

"No! Well, yes, that was lucky, but I was more thinking of how fortunate we are to live in a time period when travel agencies exist." 

"It seems on-brand for us," Mogey agreed. 

"Welcome to Beau Owooo Travel. What can I do for you fellows?" inquired a serious-looking wolfman at the front desk.

"Are you the titular Beau Owooo?" asked Smush. 

"The same," confirmed the wolfman.

"I won a waffle-sponsored all expenses-paid trip!" Mogey exclaimed, rather too excitedly. "Any recommendations?"

"Hmm," said Beau. "Would you say you're more interested in the moon or demolishing pigs' houses?"

Mogey and Smush glanced at one another. "Neither?" Smush ventured.

"Sheep poaching it is, then!" Beau responded. "Excellent choice. Now I can offer you a lovely excursion in the south of Ireland that comes with a free sheep-suit. Or if you're looking for something more adventurous, we have an arrangement with a crafty sheepdog in New Zealand who'll test the very limits of your cleverness!"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 33

Boating through a glacial calving field in the dead of night was dangerous, but that was the best time to catch icewater anchovies, and Mogey and Smush loved icewater anchovies.

Still, it was stressful. One moonless night, Smush stood at the helm of the McFish while Mogey served as a spotter. This was a controversial assignment for Mogey, who was supposed to scan the water for obstacles, but often got distracted scanning for icewater anchovies instead.

"Berg!" Mogey shouted, sending his pal into a panic. "Berg! Dead ahead!"

"Where?" Smush exclaimed. "I can't see it!" The McFish swerved as he struggled to regain control while staring into the night.

"Just there!" Mogey pointed, but all Smush could see was another anchovy skiff like the McFish.

"Is it behind the skiff?" Smush asked.

"It is the skiff," Mogey rejoined. "Ahoy!" he hailed the other vessel as it drew near. 

"The skiff is an iceberg?" Smush demanded.

"No, not iceberg," Mogey said with a roll of the eyes, "it's my buddy, Berg van der Berg." 

A tall fellow in a viking helmet emerged from the other boat's cabin. He wore a black t-shirt that read simply: BERG. "Ahoy yourself!" Berg stated. "How are those anchovies biting?"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 32

 "It's tonight," said Mogey, simply.

"You think I don't know that?" Smush demanded. "You think I haven't thought about that every doggone day for the past year?"

 

"Sheesh," Mogey replied. "It's just a party."

"Just. A. PARTY?" Smush exclaimed. "Any more commentary like that and I will be forced to Brat Ratly along as my guest instead of you."

"You're bluffing," Mogey said. "The Baroness von Snapback would never allow vermin into her annual Hat Jamboree."

"Hey!" squeaked Brat Ratly, who - to no one's surprise - had been eavesdropping.

"Fair enough," Smush admitted as he watched Brat Ratly scurry sulkily away. "Now, on to business. What hats are we going to wear?"

"I was thinking about this little number," Mogey said as he slapped a visor atop his gourd.

"Don't make me call Ratly back in here. A visor is the very antithesis of a hat. A hat with the hat part removed, if you will."

"Well what are you going to wear then, Mr. Smartson Hat-Pants Man?"

"I'm glad you asked," Smush rejoined, opening a large, round box. "I am currently in possession of - wait for it - an antique pork pie. Its provenance is not well-documented, but there is some speculation that the sheen on the sweatband came from the bald dome of none other than Count Dracula himself." 

Mogey took a moment to collect his thoughts before responding. "In the first place, Count Dracula was not bald, he was famously hirsute. In the second place, the pork pie hat was invented centuries after Count Dracula lived. And in the third place, the only person who would look sillier in a pork pie hat than Count Dracula is, in fact, you."

The cackles of Brat Ratly could be clearly heard emanating from inside the living room wall.

"Those are some good points," said Smush. "Unrelated question: Do you have a second visor I could borrow?"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 31

It took five hours at the claw machine and more quarters than you'd see at the bottom of Lucky Leo's Wishing Well (which stood conveniently near the courthouse steps), but at last Smush had it: a real Genooine™ sheriff's badge.

Mogey detected a change in his pal almost immediately. On the way home from the arcade, he badgered their donkey, Frito Melange, to move faster. He commanded the neighborhood children to spray their silly string in a more orderly fashion. He lectured the oven to make his tater tots crispier.  

When Smush instructed the mice under the kitchen table to "quit stealing our tot crumbs and get back to work!" Mogey had to interject.

"I do believe that badge has gone to your head, Smush," he stated.

"Has it?" Smush asked, polishing the badge on his shirt and then checking his reflection. "Or has it gone to everyone else's head?" He gestured to the mice at their feet.

Sure enough, though they did so reluctantly, the tiny creatures had abandoned the crumbs and were trudging back to their bolt hole.

"I guess there's a new sheriff in town," grumbled one.

"What's a sheriff?" another replied. "I just wanted to get away from that guy with the shiny button. Something has clearly gone to his head."