As Mogey and Smush strode toward Eggs Eggs Eggs: Eggceptional Eggs That'll Make You Begg for their weekly supply of butter and cream, they passed a magician plying his trade in the village square.
Smush smirked. He loved messing with magicians, and considered himself quite the sleight-of-hand illusionist in his own right. "Greetings," he greeted the would-be sorcerer as he shouldered his way to the front of the crowd.
"Greetings, my good fellows. Fergus Munks, at your service," said the magician, removing his top hat with one hand and fanning a deck of cards with the other. "Now if you'd be so kind: Pick a card, any card."
Smush's smirk increased. Card magic was one of his specialties, and he carried at least three decks with him at all times, including one that exactly matched the deck Fergus Munks was using. Smush selected a card, but surreptitiously swapped it for a gag card: the "Queen of Turnips."
"Show it to your fellow citizens, if you please," said Fergus.
Smush did so, giving the assemblage a knowing wink to let them know they were all in on his practical joke.
"By golly, Smush," Mogey whispered, "you're entirely too much."
"Now then," Fergus Munks continued, "what is the suit of your chosen card? Is it hearts? Clubs? Spades? Or perhaps... turnips?"
The crowd gasped. Smush gasped. Mogey burped, but tried to pass it off as a gasp.
"And since you seem to enjoy turnips so much, I've done you a favor," Fergus stated. "Check the other decks in your pockets."
Smush removed one deck of cards after another: Every last card he carried was now in the suit of turnips. "Mogey, I'm frightened," he said.
Fergus put his arm around Smush, pulling even more turnip cards from Smush's shirtsleeves, his breast pocket, the lobster bib he was still wearing from lunch. "Think twice," the magician muttered under his breath, "before you try to mess with one Fergus Munks."
"Unhand me, you cad!" Smush shouted.
"Ah, but were my hands ever on you at all?" Fergus asked, loud enough for the crowd to hear this time. "Take a look!"
Smush glanced at his left shoulder, but where he thought he'd felt Fergus's hand, a bag of fresh turnips now rested. Smush shrieked, whacked at the turnips like they were live spiders, and ran from village square.
Mogey leveled his finger at the magician. "Making Smush look a fool was one thing," he admonished, "but exposing him to so many vegetables? That crossed the line, sir."
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