The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 12

 The duty Mogey took more seriously than any other was his role as a balloon handler in East Thickwhistle's annual April Fools' Day Parade. The spectacle featured dozens of enormous balloons - some of them even larger than Mogey himself - that depicted the village's many heroes of prank and ruse. Mogey's responsibility for anchoring the left arm of Saint Bunk the Toilet-Taper had been passed down from his father and grandfather, who had inherited the role from "some guy who had to go to the dentist that day," and Mogey cherished it.

One April Fools' Day morning, Mogey and Smush found themselves in a heated disagreement over the ownership rights to the last chicken finger in the pu pu platter (their standard breakfast on April Fools' Day and every day). 

"That finger is mine!" Smush insisted. "All mine! You got the final bit of chicken last time we got an odd number of tenders."

"That was three whole days ago!" Mogey replied. "I need my strength to hold onto Saint Bunk all day." 

"Hands off the poultry," Smush said. "Or when you least expect it, I will appear at the parade. And in my hands will be the thing that balloon handlers fear above all others."

"A needle?" Mogey gasped. "A bow and arrow?"

"A-... wait a moment, your ideas are way better than mine. I was just planning to bring along a bucket of legos to scatter beneath your feet." With that, Smush dashed off to the archery shed.

Mogey stared at the last chicken finger longingly. Sacred duty or his eighth chicken finger of the morning? Saint Bunk or breaded fowl? In the end, the decision was easy: Mogey stuffed the chicken into his mouth and headed for the parade route, hoping with all his heart that Smush's arrows that day would not fly true.

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 11

 "Have you been to the new Italian bathhouse in town?" Mogey asked one foggy Wednesday.

"Spa Ghetti?" Smush said. "No, money's a bit tight at the moment, but I hear they offer a minestrone foot soak that's to die for."

"Well money's not tight anymore. I won big at pakapoo last night and I'm treating you to an all-expenses-paid Wednesday at Spa Ghetti!" Mogey exclaimed. 

After tracking down their bathing costumes, Mogey and Smush made their way to Spa Ghetti, where they were checked in by the warm and cheerful Ma Ghetti and Pa Ghetti. The lovely Miss Sha Ghetti led them to a well-appointed chamber that contained a mineral spring, several racks of towels, and a bubbling pot of meatballs. 

"You get settled in, Smush," Mogey said, "I'm going to see if I can track down some Mr. Pibb."

Smush made himself comfortable, grabbing a brace of meatballs and sliding into the fizzing spring. He must have fallen asleep, because he was awoken some time later by the sound of a six pack of Mr. Pibb shattering upon the marble floor. 

"What stinks of vinegar?" Mogey demanded. He was still holding his arms in front of his chest as if the Mr. Pibb had not fallen spectacularly out of them. "And what do you have on your eyes?"

"Pickles," Smush replied, peeling the pickle off his left eye and popping it into his mouth. "Want one?"

"No! Why would I want pickles at Spa Ghetti? Where did you even find pickles at Spa Ghetti?"

"Oh I brought these from home." Smush showed his pal the whole jar. "I've always seen how people in the movies wear pickles on their eyes at the spa, so I have plenty, just in case."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 10

 Times were desperate. Mogey and Smush were wildly in hock to the cheesemongers, and neither of them had any money coming in. All the work in Mogey's profession - food taster, but only for the delicious foods - had dried up, and Smush was a longtime conscientious objector to not lounging around all day. 

And so it was that the pals found themselves walking down the high street, looking for a grand larceny to commit. They'd discussed committing a regular old larceny, but to Mogey and Smush's way of thinking, if you're going to commit a larceny, you might as well make it grand. 

"I've got it!" Smush announced. "We'll rob Pop Sickle's. In this kind of sweltering weather, he's got a line out the door at all times. The place must be a gold mine!"

"Plus Pop is the jolliest fellow out there," Mogey agreed. "He'll never put up a fight."

Though the sun was beating down, Mogey and Smush donned their hoods and pulled masks over their faces. Mogey had Spiderman. Smush had a happy kitty. 

"This is a stickup!" Smush shouted as they entered Pop Sickle's.

"Nobody move!" Mogey added. "Don't be a hero! We're here for Pop Sickle's money, not yours."

"Pop Sickle's money is my money," said Pop Sickle from behind the counter. "What's this all about, Mogey and Smush?"

"Grand larcen--" Mogey began.

"How'd you know it was us?" Smush interrupted.

"You wore these exact same outfits when you came trick-or-treating here last halloween," Pop answered. "I thought you were a little old to trick-or-treat, but hey - I've thought that for the last twenty years. Now I suggest you boys go back the way you came."

"Or what?" said Mogey.

"Have you ever read the full name of my shop?" Pop asked, pointing above his own head.

Mogey and Smush both fell for it. They looked up and read: Pop Sicke's Ice Lollies and Blade Sharpening. By the time they looked down, Pop Sickle had leapt over the counter and was brandishing a machete in one hand and a meat cleaver in the other. Mogey and Smush had never realized how large a man Pop Sickle was. 

"This," said Pop, "is far from a grand larceny. A shabby larceny, at best. I'd go so far as to call it a second-rate larceny."

Smush gasped.

"Aren't those your customers' blades?" Mogey inquired.

"Yes, but I'm entitled to use them to defend the shop from invasions, attacks, and larcenies grand or otherwise," Pop replied. "It's in the terms and conditions."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2025 Edition - Episode 9

 It was a busy day at Mogey and Smush's florist and ironworks shop, Petals to Metals, but the proprietors still found time to deliver excellent service to those customers who seemed like they needed assistance and/or did not have much knowledge about the actual prices of various flowers and/or metallic sculptures.

"Excuse me?" said a man wearing a sweater vest and dockers. Smush gave Mogey their standard sign for an excellent "customer service" target - an elbow to the ribs and a loud oink. "I'm sorry to trouble you," the man continued, "you must be overwhelmed with so many people in the shop."

"Nonsense," Mogey replied. "We always have time for each and every one of our marks-- er... customers. What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to buy a bouquet for my sweetheart."

"How wonderful. And what sort of flower does this sweetheart - she sounds lovely, by the way - what sort of flowers and/or metallic sculptures does she typically like?"

"She's quite fond of baby's breath." 

"Ah yes, of course, of course," Mogey said. "Well if she likes baby's breath, she's going to love its cousin: an absolutely stunning blossom called drunkard's belch. Smush? Oh, Smush?" Mogey called.

"Mmmyes," Smush answered as though he hadn't been standing two feet away listening intently.

"Have we got any of that drunkard's belch left?" 

"We do have just enough for one bouquet. And may I say that if someone was looking to make a bouquet for his, let's say for hypothetical reasons and with no prior knowledge of the situation, his sweetheart, the drunkard's belch pairs very nicely with these blooms here." Smush gestured to a bunch of greenish gold blossoms.

"What are they called?" asked Sweater Vest Wes, as Mogey had begun mentally describing their guest.

"Sardine eater's exhale," Smush replied.

"I'll take them! How much do I owe you gentlemen for this fine bouquet?"

"Let's see," said Mogey, tallying some numbers up on the back of wanted poster he'd ripped down from building next door because the suspect looked like him, only more dashing, "a bouquet of drunkard's belch and sardine eater's exhale comes to... what've you got in that little money pouch of yours, anyway?

"Looks like I have 22-- no, 23 gold guineas," Sweater Vest Wes responded. 

"That'll be 23 gold guineas," Smush announced.