The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 52

 "Boy," said Ship's Mate Smush, sinking his teeth into an orange so plump that the juice ran down his chin, "I sure am glad the commanders figured out this miraculous cure for scurvy. And what a delectable cure it is!"

"Bah!" spat Yeoman Mogey.

"You're not a citrus lad?" Smush asked.

"Citrus lad?"

"Aye, that's what me and a few of the fellows who work in the galley have taken to calling ourselves. Oranges, lemons, limes... we're real flavonoid freaks."

"Bah!" Mogey repeated. "I prevent scurvy the old-fashioned way."

"And that is?" asked Smush. 

"Willpower," Mogey replied. 

"Ah," Smush acknowledged. "Say, did one of your teeth just fall out?"

"No!" Mogey hastily rejoined. He snatched the offending object from the deck and threw it over the railing, into the briny deep. "That was just, erm... a pebble I was chewing on."

"Because teeth dropping out of your melon is a classic symptom of scurvy. And do you know the other hallmark of the disease?"

"Referring to yourself as a 'citrus lad?'" Mogey grumped. "Because I haven't got time to chin-wag all day while you smash fruit into your face like some sort of... some sort of... Lieutenant Juicington or something!"

"Irritability," Smush replied serenely. 

"Oh," said Mogey. "Have you seen any tangelos kicking around, by chance?"

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 51

 The Great December Tempest of '35 left many in the lurch. With snowdrifts rising higher than midsize sedans, the trains simply couldn't move. Mogey and Smush's farm was not far from the Bustleburg Railway Hub (with connections to Newington, New Newington, Newington-upon-Fluke, and Bumswood), and since they owned a sleigh driven by two sturdy yorkshire hogs named Mrs. McGillicuddy and The Vandal, they were asked to take in a stranded family on Christmas.

"Now, Smush," Mogey reminded his pal as Mrs. M and T.V. oinked their way through the snow, "our guests are from another culture. We need to remember that their Christmas rituals may be different from ours, and respect their traditions as best we can."

Smush glanced back at the family of seven of who rode behind them in the sleigh. The smallest daughter waved to him cheerily. "They're not going to shoot pistols in the air at midnight or anything, are they?" he grumped.

"I hope not for Saint Nicholas's sake," Mogey answered. "But if that's their Christmas routine, we may need to dust off the blunderbusses and join in!"

They arrived at the farm and got everyone unloaded without incident, which is saying something considering The Vandal's habit of nipping at and consuming mittens belonging to small children. Several hours later, they had all gathered around the woodstove for a pleasant Christmas Eve nightcap. 

"Throw a log on the fire, will ye, lad?" said Ol' Grandad, the guest family's middle son. "That drafty train station chilled me to my bones."

Smush eyed Mogey incredulously. His pal simply mouthed the words Christmas traditions in reply.

So Smush haughtily walked outside and returned with a chocolate-frosted marzipan-filled yule log, which he unceremoniously tossed into the fireplace.

"Was that cake?" exclaimed Ol' Grandad, his teenage voice cracking. "What'd you throw it in the fire for?"

"You asked me to!" Smush replied. 

"Nay, nay," Ol' Grandad said. "I meant a log, you know, like from the log pile."

"Where'd you think I got that one?" a very exasperated Smush replied. "I hope your strange practices don't require too many others to be burnt. We've only got 60 to 70 more yule logs in the pile, and half of them aren't even chocolate."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 50

 Smush was just about to order his first course of butterscotch pancakes when he observed his best pal entering the diner wearing an expression most peculiar. 

"Sup, Mogey?" Smush inquired. 

"There's no Mogey here, my friend."

"Oh no..."

"Oh yes," said Mogey, sliding into Smush's booth. "The Pincher is back!"

He reached across the table faster than a goat nosing through a barnyard fence for a handful of goat pellets and gave Smush's upper arm a firm pinch.

"Ouch!" Smush exclaimed. "Have you been hanging out with Barnabas the Crab again? Every time you see that guy The Pincher returns. And I must tell you in no uncertain terms: The Pincher is an unpleasant fellow. Not at all the kind of character - if you take my meaning - whose butterscotch pancakes would be paid-for by the gift certificate my Great Aunt Whiffy gave me."

"You're right," replied a chastised Mogey. "I apologize."

"Thank you," Smush said, clearly relieved. (His last bout with The Pincher had lasted three weeks.) "Now let's get you some butterscotch pancakes. Say, what's that scuttling sound?"

Suddenly, a large coconut crab wearing a backwards baseball cap leapt onto the bench beside Smush. 

"Barnabas!" Smush cried, as the crab seized his arm with both claws. Mogey used the distraction to once more reach out and pinch his pal, managing to grab the exact same spot he'd tweaked earlier. "Ouch! YOWCH! Go fall off a couch!" Smush hollered.

"It's a classic Pincher movement!" Mogey shouted. He gave Barnabas the Crab the world's knobbliest high five. "You know you've pinched Smush good when he starts hollering in rhymes."

The Abbreviated Adventures of Mogey & Smush: 2024 Edition - Episode 49

 "What do you think?" Mogey inquired, gesturing to his billowing silken shirt. "The ladies at La Maison de L'oie will like it, right?"

"Let me tell you something, my boy," Smush said, clapping his arm around Mogey's shoulder. "Polka dots went out with polka music. You might as well wear a wolverine pelt and stone shoes. A fancy place like La Maison de L'oie? They might not even let you in."

"What kind of pattern should I wear?" asked a horrified Mogey.

"I've got two words for you..." Smush replied.

"Jazz plaid?"

"Nah."

"Blazin' Hip Hop and R&B herringbone?" Mogey suggested.

"That's way more than two words, and obviously incorrect."

"What then?"

"Listen closely," Smush intoned, "because I'm about to clue you in to the style choice that will define the next decade of fashion: zig zags."